Welcome to my world

Aimless

2012-01-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

Hehehe after breaking for about a month already, it's really time for me to get started on a job soon… but rlly, it isn't easy trying to find a job that pays well enough and that it's something I might enjoy. But anyway, to pass my time, I had been watching a few erm shows, and let me now conclude on these shows, which I have yet to finish.

Dai ichi ( can tell from my sudden change in language that it's something japanese right)

ONE PIECE

This includes the whole Mugiwara gang and a few more allies :D

Yes, ONE PIECE, my newfound favourite anime! It tells of the adventures of a gang of pirates in a world during the age of pirates as they sailed in the seas to find the ultimate treasure, ONE PIECE. This gang of pirates, which the whole world calls them the Mugiwaras (Straw Hats) consists of

- a very likable, overly hyperactive, hungry and cute, but at the same time full of justice and luck captain, Monkey D. Luffy (OMG SOOOOO KAWAII). He is a gomu ningen (rubber man) as he ate the gomu gomu devil's fruit, and had since gained extreme strength and out-of-the-world rubber abilities, which he used to fight off his enemies.

- The oh-so-cool vice-captain, Roronoa Zoro who (YES HE IS DAMN HANDSOME ESP WHEN HE TIES HIS BANDANA AROUND HIS HEAD) specializes in the santoryuu technique (three sword fighting style). His strength is extraordinary for a non devil fruit user and is always protecting his nakama as he is the strongest after Luffy.

-The money minded Nami, who is the crew's navigator (and supposedly the world's best). Her navigator instincts has helped her to save her nakama from the deadly sea on many occasions.

- Usopp, the best liar in the world, but better known as the best sharp shooter. He almost never misses a target and has created an alter ego name for himself, Sogeking. He is always having fun eating and joking around with Luffy.

- Black Leg Sanji, known for using the black leg style of fighting, is the crew's cook- and also the best cook in the world. His long term dream is to find All Blue, but all he dreams everyday is to court girls. He is the cutest and the most hilarious when his eyes suddenly turn into heart shapes and calling out Nami- swaaaan or Robin-chwaaaan in a lovey dovey way :D heeheehee

-Tony Tony Chopper, a reindeer who ate a hito hito devil fruit and had human abilities. OMG HE IS DAMN CUTE and he openly- secretly loves it when he receives praises, although he always says it would not make him happy while blushing at the same time. He is the crew's doctor- and yet again, a very good one as well.

- Nico Robin, another devil fruit user who ate the Hana hana devil fruit, allowing her to grow body parts anywhere she can see. She had a dark past and knew that it would endanger her nakamas, but her nakamas proved her wrong and made her want to live on.

- Cyborg Franky, originally called Cutty Flam, is the crew's shipwright. He built the marvelous Thousand Sunny in which the crew was riding in until they were parted just before entering the new world. He'd probably become the world's best shipwright as well :D

- Dead Bones Brook, a musician who died but ate the yomi yomi devil fruit which allowed him to be revived, only to find that his body had become all bones. He can play any instruments, but major in violin and piano. Also, he specializes in using music to affect enemies as well as being a swordsman, ittoryuu of course, unlike Zoro.

There, a little introduction to the crew of the Mugiwaras. And needless to say, my favourite is luffy :D followed by Zoro :D but the best is still the adventures that they encountered while sailing from east blue to the grand line.

Though many ppl say it's a guys book, I thoroughly enjoyed the story, and it had brought me days of laughters to no ending :D

ONE PIECE FTW

Dai ni

Detective Conan

[insert picture here]

haha… lazy go find. But really, I heard of Conan since i was really young, and I already wanted to watch it since then, but i always had no time and by the time i knew how to watch it online, I totally forgot about it and had no interest anymore… until the holidays came of course.

Edogawa Conan, or rather, Kudo Shinichi, is a 17-year-old high school detective who, due to his carelessness, was forced to eat a poison that shrank his body into a 7-year-old little boy. He then derived his name from two authors, Edogawa Rampo and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in which the second arthur wrote his favourite fictional character, Sherlock Holmes (which happens to be one of my favourite fictional detectives too :D ). While trying to find and eventually demolish the organization who caused his shrinking, he solves many cases, and also tried to maintain his relationship with his childhood friend (and eventually girlfriend in recent episodes when he confessed to her) Mouri Ran.

Between Conan and Shinichi, I see them as one, but i like conan more :D SOOOOO KAWAII!!!!!!!!! * squeezes his imaginary cheek* of course, when shinichi appears, I am delighted too! But seriously, i think the cartoonist should have done him more justice by drawing him more er… handsomely as compared to Hattori Heji, Shinichi's best friend who knows his secret as well, and is also a high school detective.

There… these two animes are enough to occupy me for half of december until now :D

until the next time then :D

There again

2011-11-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

maybe i really am not good enough i guess…

always like that… thinking i'd be able to, but obviously i wish too much.

Goodness knows what i'm doing with my life.

TO SJ

2011-11-12T09:13:00.001-08:00

Hello! didn't think you'd come see my blog!

Anyway, we'll surely go drink drink ˆˆ one day :D And i'm okay now.. anyway, some things are already set in stone and we can't do anything about them already, can we?

So all I can do is look forward and focus on those things not set in stone yet and make the most out of it. Ganbarimashou! hahaha

JYJY for the next few weeks!

OOOHHH

2011-11-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMURA TAKUYA~<3 <3 <3

Yes, it's 1.09 am in the morning and I am still studying chem… or not. Anyway, to kimura-san, please stay happy and bring smiles to all your fans and may your family be happy always.

A little gift from me

There you go. Just a few of my favourite pictures. Anyway, time for me to sleep before I fall sick. Nights.

Formal introductions

2011-10-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

It all started with an advertisment.

Yes, Gatsby. Well the first time i saw the ad, I was like, 'what a retarded commercial.' Then I saw his hot bod and his to die for face. Well, I can't say that I wasn't awed for a while, but back then, I was really not into Japanese culture and pop media. And so plus that weird gatsby ad, I didn't really give him another look. I think I almost didn't like him then.

Then it was Howl's Moving Castle. Of course, as anyone can see from my previous posts, I am so in love with this movie by Miyazaki, esp Howl. He is no doubt the most charismatic male lead ever drawn by Miyazaki. And of course, the most perfect character must be voiced by the most perfect man ever in Japan of course. Not that he is like entirely perfect. He is a human and surely make mistakes too, but the fact that he helped japan's economy to grow by injecting an additional 152 billion yen in one year into the GDP (like crazy trends n such) just only proves that he is THE man.

So of course, curious about the man who voiced my favourite anime character, I looked up on him and the first thing i did was to smack myself on the head. Can't believe I actually missed how many years by ignoring him the first time i saw him. Then after watching some of his shows, I come to a conclusion that he is the best actor (asia of course) that I've ever seen. Really. Kudos to him.

And yes, that is him last year when he was 38. Seems so timeless right...

Kimura Takuya FTW.

So near already

2011-10-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yea, it's coming. I smell it. But anyway, just to introduce another marvelous person I'd get to know a little in this week... ... ... Takuya Kimura!

Isn't he just hot any nice in every angle? :D <3<3<3 And the best part is that he is a damn good actor! Though he is a little old already, and it's not that I only just knew his existence- i mean like who doesn't know the Gatsby ad guy right... BUT he is probably the best actor I have ever seen in asia!

Anyway, since i should be concentrating on other things, i shall end off now. Kimutaku FTW!!

AWWW

2011-10-02T02:27:00.000-07:00

HEHEHE i'm finally of age :D And now, since i'm really bored and i don't feel like doing work yet, i shall now try to remember how I celebrated all my birthday... or at least those that I can remember... ... ...

SO obviously my memory only started when I was like 3? That was the first birthday I ever celebrated in school and my mum made sure everyone knows it. On that very day, she just appeared at my kindergarten with a big 1 kg cake and many little presents to share around with the class! Of course, and then every one else wanted the same, SO we all get to eat cakes along the year ever so often :D

I remember when I was 7, new school new environment and all, my mum still brought a big 1 kg cake to school and of course, small door gifts kinda thing, but i was like the only one who did that and really, i was so proud of it. Then after 8 years old, it kinda stopped since i was getting older and my friends are starting to have parties at home on their birthdays.

Let us zoom forward then, to when I was 13, and on my birthday, my bestest friend ever (and still is˜) together with another friend bought me a ginormous strawberry slipper (yea one side) soft toy! and made me wear that on my head walking around class... XD

Fast forwarding again, it was in october, i think it was 3 years back, and we were celebrating one of my 10 brother's birthday... I was the organizer and the gang was supposed to be headed for esplanade to watch stomp (Yea, i helped them get the tickets but i couldn't go cos of exams), SO we went for dinner tgt first. SO we went in to the restaurant and ate and got ready the cake, AND THEN! hahahahaha there were TWO cakes! I was so shocked! Like wasn't I the organizer of this surprise birthday? hahahahaha yea, my 4th brother decided to celebrate my birthday too XD how sweet :D That was really funny cos my 7th brother thought we were celebrating my birthday AND I thought we were celebrating HIS birthday :O So we were both shocked :O Awwww :D love them to bits.

Well, two years back, my birthday fell on the first day of our exams, so yea, nothing much, but in december, I had a performance and after that, all my friends surprised me with like cakes and presents. There was this present made by my other bestest friend, a book rather, of peoples messages and whatnots, and i realised she made it before school holidays started! AWWWW But anyway, it was so sweet cos i was one of the organizer for that performance too (like in charge of programme and food for the little children performing + performing myself too- a fully yq concert) and i was soo tired already, having to run here and there in my black dress and heels etc etc.. then they surprised me like that :D

HM.. can't really remember what happened last year.... i think it was exams again, but my class celebrated my birthday in october along with the other september and october babies! (like first time since after primary school since it's always exams by then) Nothing much, but of course, cass treated me to an outing just like i did for hers :D

This year, was rather funny cos on my birthday, my group of friends wanted to bring me to this restaurant in Arab St that supposedly has really good pasta, but when we reached there, it was closed. So we turned around and decided to just eat anywhere when we spotted an egyptian restaurant having buffet :D SO we decided to go there, and what a surprise! They had good stuff :O Of course, this time, my class celebrated with me, and sang a birthday song so loud the entire wing joined in and sang along.. how embarrassing, but ah wells :P Then two days later, cass treated me to an outing of movies, just like I did for hers, once again, AND then she gave me a surprise by inviting the whole bunch of friends to surprise me after the movie ended. OF course, it didn't work out as planned as many couldn't make it and the exit wasn't at where we'd thought it would be ;D hahahahaha but still, i was shocked cos i really didn't know that part coming along :O

So far so good, but i highly doubt it'd be the same from next year on, seeing that those who are flying will be gone by my birthday and those who are starting school will be too busy too. AH wells, happy birthday to me!

Love is in the air

2011-09-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

I officially pronounce my love for Japanese anime characters. Seriously, they are like the best looking guys every in the whole world.

Kudos to Hayao Miyazaki for creating a few wonderful characters. Recently i've been rewatching Miyazaki's films, namely Princess Mononoke, Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away. AND the best thing is that they have all revived my love for Ashitaka, Howl and Haku. <3<3<3 Let me now in brief detail describe which parts in the shows are the best.

Of course with the guys around :D

Princess Mononoke:

I. AM. SO. IN. AWE. PERIOD. Really, the part where Ashitaka got shot but he still continued to carry Mononoke to the safety of her wolf mummy… But the sweetest part is when he was just lying there, hurt and unconscious on a small plot of land waiting for the deer god to heal and revive him. He was so cute there! Like lying around, just resting… gagagaga

Howl's Moving Castle:

There is nothing much I can say. I practically love every single moment Howl was around. No wait. I LOVE THE WHOLE MOVIE! HOWL…. HOWL!!! *howls* HOWL!!! *screams* haha okay… Yup, I remember the very first time i watched this film, I fell in love with him immediately cos he really is sooo cute! Had like this major crush on him since then. Never stopped liking him.

But if there really is a need for a favourite part, then I guess it's the last scene where he wears pink with white pants standing beside Sophie who was wearing a very pretty yellow dress at the starboard of their flying castle, KISSING EACH OTHER (: SOOO cute, and that charisma radiating out from him… Really… but I really love every single scene with him. It's SO hard to choose!!

Spirited Away:

Yet again, I practically love every single moment Haku (Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi aka God of the swift amber river) appeared. Liked him since the first time I watched this show. He's the cute dragon boy that helps Chihiro save her and her parents from being devoured by the spirits and gods. My favourite part was when Chihiro, riding on Haku in dragon form, remembers that Haku saved her from drowning when she was younger. She then told Haku his real name, and then he remembers it all, then his dragon form dissipated, showing his human form, and both of them fell (like free fall) and they held each others' hand, and they embrace… and they embrace.. and they embrace… and- anyway, and Chihiro starts crying, saying how grateful she is, and they embrace…… :D HAKU! such a dear!

Miyazaki is A GENIUS! Seriously, if it isn't for him, I'd never have known this three fabulous characters, and Joe Hisaishi would never have composed such beautiful music. AND YES, i officially announce too, that Hisaishi is now my most favourite composer. Below are some of his pieces that makes me cry easier than Brahms:

- Legend of Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke

- Merry go round of life from Howl's Moving Castle

- Laputa: Castle in the Sky from the same title as the piece

From spirited away,

- Dragon boy

- One Summer's Day

- Waltz of Chihiro

- Always with me

YUP. kudos to hisaishi too, for his works are just simply marvelous. Can't believe the first time i watched these films, i never took notice of the pieces!! Still, at least now I know, better than not knowing.

If only they could make mini series out of Howl's little family aka Howl, Sophie, Calcifer, Markl, Witch of the Waste and Heen, like the little things that happen every day, little arguments and such, like the tantrums of Howl or the days when Calcifer gets sick or even a date for sophie and howl… etc etc AND, of course, Haku and Chihiro… like how will they meet? In the human world or spirit world? What little things happen during their daily life? Can human and spirit be together? SOOO CUTE!! just thinking about them… but i really want haku and chihiro to be together… … … just like howl and sophie, where they live happily ever after :D

SIGH, now on to my dreams of howl and haku

HMmm

2011-09-03T02:25:00.000-07:00

Been slacking away much lately with prelims only in the corner. Yes, I can see it coming. No wait. It is already here.

But anyway, this is a post specially for something else (:

I've been watching some shows recently and here's a post on what I really recommend!

1) Schemes of a Beauty (美人心计)- Of course, other than the fact that my dear 苗苗 is the emperor (and he was good in it too!), it tells of a very grandeur story in China's history. The characters are real AND the settings are good, of course, not to mention good acting and good scenery.

2) Glittering days (东方之珠)- This show is set in the old shanghai days… maybe a little later. The 50s and 60s when broadways and nightclubs are the soul of olden day China. The plot revolves around the lives of two singers who had to go through many obstacles… (read synopsis somewhere else online) Anyway, synopsis aside, I think Roger really pulled off his role well as a popular singer of that period, with his specially made hair (real hair! It was never a wig!) and the typical actions of singers then. Well, what can I say, he is a real comedy actor through and through. Of course there are better, but he is a very versatile and talented (not to mention cute) actor. Plus his ever so comedic actions AND his to-die-for smile………. <3

3) Reflection something misty rain… (烟雨斜阳)- There isn't really an English title to it. Anyway, the most important thing in this show is sammul's EYES. For 苗, it's really his to-die-for eyes… forever portraying a feeling, telling a story. There is no other actor that I have seen whose eyes can talk. This show is set in the old shanghai days. Like really the THAT period. The whole plot is rather gloomy, but it reflects very well the conditions of those days. Best of all is the acting of all the cast. It doesn't look as though they were acting the characters. It was as though they WERE the characters. Good plot, good acting. Of course, my sam (:

4) Chinese Paladin 3 (仙剑奇侠传3)- Well, it originates from a RPG game, what more can I say? The show itself attracted just too many audience and fans. Besides, with the star studded cast, and magnificent but complicated plot, it is a must watch. Speaking of the plot itself, everything is planned nicely. Seamless. Everything connects, unlike those of T_B whose shows always have abrupt change for the better so that the show can end.

5) Life made simple (阿旺新传)- Cast: Roger and Jessica. Needless to say, this couple's such good friends, they are virtually an unbreakable on-screen couple. Of course, partly due to this show where dear roger has to act as a simplistic guy (as his character says, "I am not stupid, just simple!"). Once again, I must praise Roger for being a superb actor. In this show, I was moved by Roger's character and his simple yet touching pure mind. Usually when I watch a show, I'll fast forward to where my idol appears just to watch him act, and read the story plot somewhere. Usually, I just want to see the actor. But in this show, Roger made me want to see his character. His character is forever thinking of others and forever doing things for others. He really moved me with everything that he (the character) did. Makes me wonder why we are all so greedy and selfish. Won't it be nice if I could be like him and live in my own bubble, free of all worries? sigh. Roger FTW

Yayness. the top five highly recommended shows to watch! Not in any order, but sorry if I sound biased my idols are in most of them. But in the first place, it is because of my idols that I watch these shows. Even so, some of these shows are really received with well reviews. Then of course, there are other shows that i'd recommend too, in brief:

- The Gentle Crackdown 秀才遇着兵- If you're bored, Moses will ensure you have a good laugh!

- D.I.E. & D.I.E. again 古灵精探& 古灵精探B- One of my favourite character, 于子郎. The cases are quite okay too, though definitely not as good as ICAC or Forensic Heroes etc.

- A bride for a ride 王老虎抢亲- SAM!!! (:

- Beyond the Realm of Conscience 宫心计- It was because of this that I started liking Moses. But the plot was quite good, definitely much better than many other T_B shows.

- Demi-gods Semi-devils 天龙八部 ( 林志颖 version)- Jimmy! his every so cute and bubbly face. But most importantly, it was a very grand production with great actors although the graphics couldn't really make it.

- Not Just a Pretty Face 美丽在望- De-stressing agent. I like the idea of this story although the plot is still quite predictable once we know what is happening. But the actors are good and again, brings joy into my life.

- The World's Finest 天下第一- Another one that makes you laugh. Mainly because of Roger. In this show, he has to fight most and at the same time think of ways to portray his witty and super comedic character well. And he did it!

- Season of Fate 五味人生- Quite a funny show again. Don't know why it didn't get the popularity it should have gotten, but it is a good show yet again with good actors.

- A pillow case of mystery 2 施公奇案 2- Like the story very much! Especially Johnson's character as the pillow god.

- The handsome siblings 绝世双交- I know there are many versions of this show, but really, the jimmy one is the one that rocked the world, not to mention light hearted and witty! Two at that. First the dads then the sons. But of course, the nicholas is good too!

Future shows (in production) that looks promising and I'll surely watch:

- 搜神记

-欢乐元帅

-东西宫略

that's it for now! Hope there'll be better shows to watch!

And hope by doing this i'll go back to studying

there it goes again

2011-07-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

… and how am I supposed to tell her about my future plans?

Every time she's like that, i'll feel hurt too. Sigh, we all know they mean the best for us and stuff like that, but it never does works. While I don't have the naggy feeling of guilt, I still have some concern for her mental well-being.

I guess nothing can be done until this torturous 10 years have passed.

几有趣！

2011-07-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

係，得卻是好難寫地。。。再加上用繁體字，真係難上加難！不過都幾好玩的。單單係要寫底前過句，就已經站着大半個鐘！重有，有的字我都不知點寫，知道點話都冇麼用！

一定知道吧，我正係用廣東話打中文字！係好冇聊呱。唉，真希望我可以再去次香港！

That was really hard! Like seriously….. where are those words in mandarin pinyin!!! HEHE

Surges

2011-07-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Suddenly thought of all the things i failed in and this surge of feelings just came rushing by… now I can't sleep.

I know I must do well now… that everything is permanent, who won't want it to look good? Nothing can give me my PW grades back…

Sometimes, maybe crying is a good form of release after all…

Suddenly remembering the day everyone was so happy thanking god and teacher…. and I was there psycho-ing myself that it's alright… but such things… when missed by just that little decimal really create a deep crater in you heart. Every time I think of that, I'll just feel sad.

AND i don't want to feel this way… not something that makes me regret forever. So I must do well. Work really really really hard. Go. I believe I can.

Sigh… tmr's last day of exams…. bio paper… i should be sleeping well. but now I really feel like crying… maybe it'll help? Maybe then I'll be in a better mood tmr.

Woah

2011-06-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

People actually read my blog? wow…

Anyway, to that dash-ey - - - person, friend or not, thanks for your comments, and yea I agree with you that until I can let go of my bitterness can I forgive and hopefully forget.

Thing is, I know clearly when I am likely to forgive. I can feel it. In fact I don't like this unforgiving side of me. But it's definitely not now. Not when I am still within the control of these things.

And that is precisely why I am ranting all on the blog. So that I don't feel that much pain in real life. So that I can release without hurting anyone. And no matter what, life has to move on. And there certainly are things that only one can solve by oneself. Just as i ever once heard someone say, if there is no other way to go around things, you'll have to do it yourself. Self help.

I guess its just me… there are people that I can be real to, but I can never put down the inner barrier in me. I just can't show people the worst side of me. I always…most often, rather, look happy and carefree to everyone. True, some friends know that I have been dealt with blows after blows, but they know I always take things by myself.

Which becomes what I am feeling now… come to think of it. BUT no, it's just not me to do that. They know I am hurt, but they just don't know what and how deep

SHOUT

2011-06-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know… I really really really really want to tell someone everything! All my worries and all my disappointment and everything that is making me feel like breaking down…

But there is no one I can talk to about these… there are just things that cannot be said and it'd reflect real bad on me. There are just things that when said would spoil the whole image of what anyone has of me.

But I am in much pain. I really need some release, some way where I can tell someone who responds but does not then gain negative views about me… I think I require too much of a person. Thing is, I don't want people to see me as that.. that's why I am withholding everything. Keeping everything to myself

Then again, as I have always said, my problems are mine, and no one can help no matter what… so there is not much use telling anyone.

But all humans need some form of release… Let one come to me now!

hmmm

2011-06-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't feel anything like sad that I am excluded or anything along this line since like in the FIRST place, I HATE that person…

Well that's because she hates me first… SO there is no reason why I want to be included in her list of official juniors even if officially, I AM her junior……

I guess it's just me isn't it? Hoping that she will acknowledge me the wild one as her junior so that I can resolve the hate? Then again why would she want to do that? Stupidness… She hates me too much to want to reconcile. In fact she's probably happier hating me for life or something… -.-

HOW i wish I can just name names here… but it'd be cyber bullying (for no one to see and she won't see in any circumstance at all) AND it'd not reflect nicely on me. Yea…

ANYWAY, today's talk was alright.. wished it was longer and more in depth though.. dang those restless juniors

Yet again

2011-06-17T02:51:00.001-07:00

And then I find myself tearing away in front of the computer......
I really hate it. I hate it that it's all over and there is nothing I can do about it.

Hate it that there is nothing I can do to alleviate my soreness
Hate it that it is because of this that I feel my heartache all the time
Hate it that this thing ruined my life.

Then? Move on? I am. I did. But it isn't enough. Have I not complained to my friends? Have I not tried to suppress my feelings and try to let things go by since nothing can be altered? This really isn't something I can ever get over with...
Not with seeing all of the others getting what they want. It is of course reasonable for them to feel happy and celebrate.. and I know i am asking too much as a friend to ask them to not show it in front of me because they WONT be able to sympathise and I will always feel hurt and do my silent cries.

YES being in the comm is very important to me. YES I really want to be in. BUT SO? No matter how much of confessing now won't help. Even if I did say it then, it won't either. Because there is no such thing as democracy. In this world where everyone get things through being in good books and connections, that's just it. I was just unlucky to be that one person then. They hated me for that. What can I do? It isn't my fault that I because the one special person. But maybe if I had the foresight, things would be different.

I have learnt a lesson. If people want politically right answers and hypocrisy, I will give them what they want.

It's back.

2011-06-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know how long it'll take for that feeling of disappointment and betrayal wool leave me for good. get a grp... The next comm is already out and I am still dwelling in the past. But then again, there are always things that will never be forgotten. Or forgiven at that. Maybe next year when I leave this place full of sad memories? But I guehss it is still a matter of whether I get what I want next year or not. Because if it really is because of this that I fail, I will never ever forgive.. Besides, I have already made a vow to never help them if they decide to enlist my help in any way. Even if my life is at stake, I will never ever do anything for them. Severed all ties. Smile for diplomacy.

This is the world

2011-06-05T08:00:00.001-07:00

We are such lucky children… … … …
But sometimes,我觉得我们应该趁现在有时间，能任性就豪放的任性一下，要不然时机过了想再任性都不行了。
Isn't that just true?

There

2011-05-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

When I finally get to this page, i have nothing to say….
Was just having a thought a moment ago….

Actually, I am very optimistic. Always smiling in front of everyone and always thinking about how others feel first. Always at my expense. Goodness, i don't know how to spell expense.. or expanse… or.. oh whatever. Anyway, what I am saying is, I just had a thought just now about how I was comforting (happened in the day) my classmate about how good he is in this subject, then I thought about myself… how about me? always making people feel better, but I am no better. They are probably better than me but here I am consoling people when I should be thinking about myself. Like I don't face the same problem…

But no matter, that is just me. Sometimes I really don't know what I am doing. Anyway, 富贵也是死，贫苦也是死。。。到头来都是死 what is the use then? I know people will say since we die anyway, might as well make full use of this 短短的几十年，让生活丰富美满，多姿多彩。。。I don't know… not that I don't want that either..

Anyway, I was day dreaming about how I'd die…. since we are all destined to die. Anyway, I was just imagining all sorts of dying methods, and then I asked myself: Am I afraid of death?

Come to think of it, I don't want to die yet, but I really want to know how it is like dying. So is imagining different ways of dying a form of showing that I am not afraid of death? Really, it is always until that instant then one knows what one truly feels. I ever once felt that I am not afraid of dying. I also thought before that it'd be really scary to die… timing of these thoughts are rather close together actually.
Besides, saying that I'm not afraid of death doesn't mean anything. It doesn't prove that I am brave. It doesn't prove that I "conqured death". It probably only just shows how cranky I am…
I'm not saying I attained nirvana or I have seen through the facade of life…… just wondering if any other sane person ever thought of things like this…

Then again, may be I am nuts.

。。。。。。

2011-05-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

我知道持续把伤心事憋在心里不说是会闹出心理病的。。。但是我人身中就是那么多的不能说，我又岂能大声呐喊呢？
有的事情愈是令人苦恼，另人难以接受，愈是不能说出来。尤其是自己根本不应该知道的事，却在毫无心里准备的情况下得知，令我既失望又伤心，就好像被刀刺了一下。我真是井退两难。。。真不知道该如何面对他，也不知道自己要装不知道到什么时候。此刻的我已经对他测低的失望。我最增的人格竟然会是他从小就养成的怪癖。。。。。。。。。我该怎么办。。。该怎么办。。。

我恨死你们，巴不得永远都不再接进你们，你们一个个都不是好东西！走！别再干涉我的生活，别让我再为你们这群野兽烦恼。

Isn't this what I've always been waiting for? The hard truth that is, predictably, always the hardest to digest? And I thought I did make enough mental preparation to accept whatever that comes…… if it were the normal stuff, I'd swallow it down, but THIS is just unforgivable. This is too much for me to bear. Of all things to be faulted for, it has to be this. The one and only thing that will make me mad when I think about. The one and only thing I can NEVER forgive. Why…… why the twist of fate? Why the cruelty of life?

There you go.
You wanted the truth, Wendy.
You wanted to find out.
Now you've got it.

我宁愿永远被蒙在鼓里。

2011-05-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

我沉默不代表我允許你為所欲為。我沒要求不代表我对你滿意。我原諒不代表我給你特許証繼續無限放肆。我聆聽不代表我相信你。我真誠,不代表我會甘心做奴隸。我大方,不代表便宜應份贈予你。我不索取,因為我想讓你人格有挽回的餘地。我不拆穿只因你不值得我動氣。我疏遠因為我要保護自己。

I really like this quote.
Then doesn't it mean, that when I am not helping, I am hoping you will push your own borders and become better; when I do not respond, I might be hoping you can find out what went wrong and correct it; when I am sad but still smile, i actually really want something changed.

Anyway, san miao TTM! <3<3

Ohh

2011-05-18T05:19:00.000-07:00

I only just realised my previous few posts are so depressing to read…. speaking of the irony of my blog address -.-

Anyway, I recently got a motivational quote from a 高人, and is really 一句话叫醒梦中人. I was finally complaining- hm… hinting in a light way, rather- about some of my worries to the 高人, and the 高人 said, "Don't be so petty!"
AND THEN a realization hit me.
Actually, if I have it, chances will always come won't they? Besides, from all the things that I've been through and watched, I have come up with a learning point in living. Well, take this advice too, even if you're not facing any depressing matters.

要成功就一定要会忍。只有学会忍耐，才可以让自己更加坚强；只有学会忍耐，才可以战胜折磨；只有学会忍耐，才可以成大业；只有学会忍耐，才可以为自己而活出精彩。学会忍耐是意见多么了不得的事呀！

Isn't that just so true? Thinking on the positive side, at least I'm not the one who's going to cause the major screw up or embarrassment of the whole group. (:
Cheers for a brighter day ahead!

Mild depression

2011-05-03T02:15:00.000-07:00

I seriously think I got it. So I did not get into exco because of politics. Ok, I took it in. So I tried to do sl for the first time n failed, ok I took it in n let the group disseminate. So I tried to do it with another group, but as of now, to no avail and there is a high chance it will not work out. Ok, I took it in again and is hoping for the best.

I took it in and let it go, pretending all its fine, smiling as always. but who cares anyway! No one cares because it is not important at all. You all got into exco, if not have h3 or in fac comm... Doing sl is just an extra thing. No sl = no harm. You are all in exco. but I am not. Because of politics. This is not something anyone can get over with for a long time. You all have no stinking idea how hurt these all made me. Plus I have to take all these in and feel sad myself. Because there is nothing I can do. I am just a minute nothingness living among you greater beings. No matter how much u try to comfort me, there us nothing u can do, and I wont feel any better either. Can comforting me make me go into exco? Let my sl approve? Get me my hc dip? NO, NO and NO!

And now all I want is to conduct. I already have nothing. Nothing to prove my worth in this prestegious school. I really want to do it.... Why must you take what is left of what I can actually do away from me? I know I cant complain cos it is your rlturn afterall, but this really mean alot to me. Definitely much more than it means to u. You are doing it out of fun and interest, but I am doing it for life. For my life. Tell me you are better than me at picking things up, tell me you are better at grasping the feeling, tell me you are bettee than me. TELL ME! But no, u cant, because you are not... The only thing you are better in me is in luck.

Yet again

2011-05-01T19:45:00.002-07:00

And just when I thought I had too much to think and worry about, this has to come. But what can I do? It is only fair that she does it just because we take turns and its her turn. But ppl know that I am better, and do think that I can do a better job too.

Of course I am not ok.... Who will be ok, to see someone whose skills is not as good as u doing something that requires the best to lead? I can only cry in silence and take it in... Let me suffer in silence myself

-

2011-05-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

I really don't know how to tell you what problems I have.

Would you really want to know that my problem comes from your problem? Would you really want to know that I know? You think u're the only one with depression….. when you have depression, i do too. When you cry, i cry. Sigh… we are all the same, always putting up a tough front in front of others. Always the smile, always the craziness…. but deep inside, we're both suffering much more than many, and much more than anyone else knows….. and even much more than how much we think.

When you cry, i cry. When you don't cry, i cry…… Telling you only makes you suffer and hurt more. It would only increase your depression level………… So why tell you when i can just keep it to myself and take all the burden? I am still strong, i am not cracking yet… I can still go on for a while… trust me, i really know what i am doing.

I am scared

2011-04-25T08:18:00.001-07:00

It's hard with all that stress and different things to worry about... Its hard being a parent. But its hard being a daughter too. True, tgere are things that is going on in your lives that you guys try so hard to cover in front of us by acting normal and stuff, but actually u are hurting yourself even more. But do u guys know how sad we feel having to pretend that we dont know anything and that all is well, and to act like innocent unknowing little kids in accordance to your subtle hints?

I'm really sick of standing outside the door eavesdropping on u guys, only able to hear snippets of what is happening and trying to piece
everything up tgt but hoping it is not interpreted wrongly cos it might be a big thing or a small matter.

I know recently u just got a call about me in school, and that omly just added to your whole list of worries..... And the things u say to me... Do u not know that they are only exaggerating the reality? Do u think that I dont know anything u said? Do you think that I am not already trying to cram as much as I can? You have never seen me at it. How i'd rather skip cca for tuition and how I am like the only one who keep doing work during cca, right in front of the teacher too.

I am really tired of all these things... Other than homework n cca, I know about your matyer and it is really tiring me out. How am I supposed to cope with so many different sources of stress at the same time, do well in my studies? I dont blame u for I know u dont know that I know already, which adds to my stress level, but I really wish that u guys could tell me soon, cos even though I already have some sort of mental preparation, nothing can be worse than the endurance.of the road to the pure hard truth.

Sigh.. Dont know how long I can put up with this facade.

SIGHS

2011-04-16T05:42:00.000-07:00

I Don't know….

i mean i know i am always look so strong, resilient and happy every time I am out. But i don't know how long it can last…. well, it's been like that for the past 17 years and a few months. Who knows actually how I feel each time I smile or laugh off my failure? As though it's nothing and wouldn't affect me?

It does very much. But what can anyone do? They can't change my grades, they can't get me a position…. they can only feel sad for me. Then what does that leave me with? Nothing. The same as before, just more dejection and a sense of helplessness, and complaining in my heart that live is so unfair and then trying to stop doing that because life has to go on.

This sucks big time.

I really hope I get to do what I want in the future. I really hope.. and i do hope alot

The unfairness of the world

2011-03-13T07:10:00.001-07:00

Some people have to practice hard day and night to get to the standard we see on stage. Yet others are so talented they only need to go through the night before and they are ready to go on stage. The unfairness of the world….

But have those people ever wondered how these "talented" people came about? Even though they did have a bonus (being talented), they too had their hard times. They too fought for what they want. They too worked very hard day and night to get to the top. In fact, they work even harder than most people know. What people see is the final product that these people at the top worked so hard for because they want people to see the best.

Don't just dream and think that since there are so many people at the top already, you should just give up. As long as you are living, there is no such thing as no hope. Stop complaining and start working hard for what you want. Not everyone is born talented.

Then again, sometimes, it is only with chance that you can make it to the top. I had chances, and I took these opportunities, but there are times that chances will not come. This is life…. do what you can, and occasionally chance will come by you. It might take you far, but it might also bring you down.

Oh gosh, what am I saying….. like i am some wise old person. pfft who am I kidding.
Just that this world is a really unfair world. Not that I am working that hard… guess this is a post for myself then….

To follow and learn

2011-03-12T07:29:00.001-08:00

I think my english is de-proving as each day passes.

Just watched a few TV dramas here and there these few days (Yes, i know it's in the middle of blocks -.-) and I suddenly had this really provoking thought.

Usually when we watch TV dramas, its either the plot is attractive, or we are just watching for the idols, or most usually, both at the same time. But how many people actually admire their idols and the plot of the story AND learn from these dramas at the same time? I know I have been giving advice to friends who wants to do better in Mandarin to watch more chinese dramas- Yes, chinese. I do watch cantonese dramas as well ( love them actually)- but things must be extracted from the dramas as well.
Such as remembering the plot (usually we all can do that) and using it for essay writing and extracting the idioms and phrases that can add marks to aural, essay and even comprehension!

For me, the most important takeaway from watching dramas is not only their usage of idioms and phrases, but also the character and personalities of the actors. Well, usually I watch dramas because of my idols, but it is the character that is the most attractive all the time. In fact, if the character wasn't attractive, I wouldn't have spotted and liked the actors. Of course we can't all be so honest/ patriotic and what not, but sometimes, it is indeed good to practice such traits. Sometimes, these personas in the dramas teach you life lessons such as living optimistically or repaying with kindness no matter what… these are really good takeaways. I do admit that I've tried for a few times to let go, forgive and forget, but I have not been able to do it. It is then that I learnt that there are things that I can forgive and forget, but there are other things that I will never forgive, at least until I forget.

Sigh, my ears are getting deaf from listening to too many dramas….

To have a vicarious experience is really a good feeling
But to feel it many times is equal to taking drugs.
It is addictive.
But people need to have some part of their minds that they can hide in in times of stress.

Back to the past

2011-03-12T05:59:00.000-08:00

It's not that I am ungrateful, but it is the circumstances that made me be this way. When people say NY or I <3 NY and stuff, there will always be this little obstinate stone forming in my heart that will not leave. Yet, looking back at all the things that happened, how can I feel "home"when I talk about NY? Many of my first times happened there, but of course, it is during the starting years of teenage, where else can it happen? My first time stopping people from committing suicide, my first time going through a cold war, my first time being misunderstood for a whole year, my first time breaking school rules……. true, there are many memories that are created there that will never escape from my memory (at least for the next few years), and friends whom will probably be part of my life in a long time to come, but it is also where I experienced the most pain and very much excruciating at that. It is where I learnt that one can only survive as the best. The weak just fall apart.
Regardless, I was just watching a TV programme that features competition between schools. Yes, NY's there. Strangely, I felt the sense of belonging…
And why does my heart stop me from doing it?

This whole week

2010-12-07T00:02:00.000-08:00

My life as summarized:

Daily routine:
12-2pm: wake up and take lunch
2-6 pm: do miscellanous stuff like watch drama and settle my daily needs.
7- 11pm: ge practice
11 til the time I sleep: watch drama and play my iPod.

Great life eh...

Tonight

2010-10-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight, two hearts were broken.

Time is never an understandable measurement. It can never be grasp, and it will never be caught. No one can ever tell when the right time has come, or when that golden period has left. Time is like air. It is intangible, it follows you wherever you go. But without it, you will never exist. That small miss in time broke the heart of love. That heart has been broken before. It had been stitched back needle by needle, thread by thread before. But wounds are forever wounds. It may have seemed healed, but it is never the same. But this time, God is there to cover the hole in that heart. That heart knows what is coming. It is anticipating. It has successfully manipulated time.

Tonight, the other heart that was broken was the heart that shows you what you truly want and what you truly are. The heart that never lies. The heart of dreams. The heart that lies subconsciously in your subconscious, supporting you quietly. It is a heart that breaks without telling until you feel it. It is the heart that breaks without pain; the heart that breaks without physically emotional pain.

Tonight, two hearts were broken. But none was hurt.

End of the world?

2010-10-17T09:41:00.001-07:00

Sigh... sometimes being a big shot is worth it after all...
True, people say these are just entertainment and have not much value. Yea, entertainment. Ultimately these stars are providing us with service. The lowest at that. But then why do we pay so much for the,? Is it not true that they easily earn millions? Not that i am being materialistic, but money does get life going to a large extend. There is of course no need for such frivolous means, but then again, this is a lowly entertainment. They don't need to have brains to be there. All they need is the looks.

When i was young, my mum always said that i must study hard and get a degree, then my life will be safe and secure. But what is the use of having such a big brain stuffed with chimology when the no brainers get the catch? Everyone says having a god qualification will earn you your way to bliss. But the bare truth is always the opposite.

To each with their own talents.

HEHE

2010-10-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

To that special someone far far away, happy belated birthday! hope you had fun yesterday

These few days been real cool, but life's gonna get busy again.

Gosh... i have really nothing to post......

Boredom

2010-10-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

It is always at times like this that gets me wondering whether I had friends or not. It's not like I don't but how bout those who truly knows me? Those that I can call on during such times of boredom? I know everyone will say like oh, it's good to have many friends, but just have a couple of close ones will do.. Them is over our two really enough? not that I am greedy, but when these couple of friends have they own things to be busy with, you are then left alone at home watching senseless dramas after dramas, sleeping after eating..how much fun can life get?

Goodbye and see you soon!

2010-09-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

today in the cab en route to the airport, one of my friend suddenly said that she felt a surge of emotions coming towards her. It is the emotion welling inside many people when it comes to parting. And airport is just the right place to provide the perfect environment for such emotions.

I told her, that with parting comes reunion. Yesterday we welcomed a new person into singapore. Today we send off a friend that we hold dear, a friend who has done so much for us without wanting anything back in return. For the mere fact that watching us learn and enjoy is in itself giving back already. For me, our friendship had been a short one as compared to many others that were present, but in this short few years, you have taught me and guided me a lot. It is with the utmost respect I have for you that i wish you well in the future. And of course I do hope that I will not be forgotten anytime soon. Bon voyage!

And to the next parting this saturday.......

Happy as a bird

2010-09-05T08:35:00.001-07:00

OMG OMG OMG! this is my happiest day of the year!
dad just got me my long awaited hp GALAXY S and macbook (: with a free ipod touch... which i shall give my sis cos i have one alr and its 32GB compared to that 8 GB one (:

But of course, i am not such a materialistic person. Today's a happy day because I have made a new friend cum teacher. I know some people's first impression of her is that she's a bitch... but she's actually quite nice. And young (10 years older than me!). And damn zai in yq. DUH to be the only one who can get into sco. (: a happy reunion for her and wei lao... she's ma huan by the way. Horse happy (direct translation). At least she's on our side (: To ma huan, hope you will find Singapore a generally nice place to be in. As experience show, after your first few years here, u'll be different in you approach to teaching and work. Hope you'll be able to cope and le your passion stay on as long as you can grasp. May you find your happiness here as well!

Gave a farewell supper for moses ytd at newton circus food centre- btw, he's gg to china for further studies as well. Good luck for all your endeavours and may we keep in touch! Today's little dinner was not only to be introduced to a new friend. Today's dinner is a farewell dinner as well, for our beloved yi qing who's flying off next saturday to manchester! Good luck to you too, and keep in touch! Hope you do well in UK for many years to come! And we'll set up a jeremy fund to send him over there :P

And now to worry about a friend's future that looks rather gloomy. No it's actually a dead end. Plus I must start to wrry about my own future....... so many directions, so many choices, so little ability, so little certainty...... life is really like a roller coaster. Hope all goes well

Next week!

2010-09-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

Please my dearest friends, stop making me so jumpy and anxious all the time... I know i might not be a good organiser and I might not be that conscious of time management and our little crisis, but I do try. I try my best. And I hope you guys will chip in as well. As what people say, lose with dignity.

I must ace math i must ace math i must ace math
gosh who am i kidding man!

sometimes i wish i am back to the old days when i just have fun... kindergarten were the best days, though i can't remember much. But i remember being the happiest then............

is it not strange how some decisions can open up such different paths? If I hadn't signed up for CO without knowing i did, I wouldn't have known so many great friends that are musicians I respect so much. If my mum hadn't insisted that I tried out for NY, I wouldn't have known such great friends existed. If I hadn't somehow became my teacher's favourite student, so many fishcakes wouldn't have happened, and I'd have been a happier person than now.

The twist of events, the turn of fate.
A food for thought. My teacher recently asked me two questions.

Are you sad with life as it is now?

I didn't know how to answer, and he changed the question

Are you happy with life as it is now?

I said that I ain't.

I laugh

2010-08-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

Being a WCV host is awsome (:
1. You get to see hotties walking around
2. You get to take pictures with them
3. You get to hug (or they hug you) them while taking pictures
4. You get to talk and interact with them (:
5. You get to SKIP SCHOOL like anytime you want.... which i don't because I am a nice girl :P

Yay! so much fun! I take back my words of the past about not wanting to be involved! HAHA Ethan must be smiling so widely now....
____________________________________________________________

To the next topic,

i still haven't gotten over that yet....... bunch of political fishcakers. I have thought about it though, if these new batch of people chosen out of favouritism falls apart, I LAUGH.
Sometimes then, just to console myself, i'd say that i'm so thankful i'm not thrown in with this lot of people... one unique leader with opposing viewpoints to the rest of the team members.... wonder what show they'll put up.

Hope I can be contented with the position I have now... though not the best, but definitely something that can let me consider my future path. I should really get the top position... since i am the one considering this path not you. Sorry for saying that.

The world is full of unjustness... and i thought the unfair side will never happen to me. But as the saying goes, ignore the others and be yourself. The reason why they try to ostracize you is because you are better than them and they are jealous.
___________________________________________________________

YOG

2010-08-15T02:33:00.001-07:00

OMG
YOG opening ceremony was a blast! So participating in YOG is afterall a great experience (:
Totally love the whole effect and all that standing only a few metres in front of pyros experience on the rings!

The flame was just cool man! This will stay in my memories forever...... (:

Whew! now those rehearsals and the whole opening is over, it's time for me to MUG! and interact with atheletes on the last few days (: at WCV (:(:

P.S. AHHHH ang mo atheletes are SOOOOOO hot!! and i took pics with them <3 <3

YOG

2010-08-15T02:32:00.000-07:00

the irony of life

2010-08-09T08:39:00.001-07:00

shallow people are aplenty. Not saying any of you have depth, but i never knew you guys were THAT shallow either.

So i have flawed leadership skills eh...
have you guys never at all actually understood what was going on between QQ and I?
Have you guys never seen how it is not possible for me to do much anyway?

How do you guys know in the first place? Rumours? Shallow.

Or is it through other means like some external organisations?
Then you have seen wrong. You have failed to grasp the fact that the team i man has never needed a head. It's very mutual. I am just there to organize things up. We are self-governed. Not like your monkeys, if that is what you imply when you say that i don't do much.

All in all, it isn't really such lame excuses isn't it? It's really just how unjust you feel. One because I have too much freedom while everyone else doesn't. The other because if not for everyone else, you won't have that glorious moment on 6/6/10. That person would be me. Isn't it?

It's okay though, I will make your heart feel the unrest. If there is anything that I can do to make your efforts go to waste, to make you feel that slight "oh darn" feeling, to show you that I am not that easily defeatable, I will definitely do it.

One last qn to another someone: Do you actually believe in all that bullshit that they say? Over what you may know of me?
Oh I don't know you at all!

World Cup fever

2010-07-11T06:09:00.001-07:00

WORLD CUP is coming to an end soon
and before long, promos are here.

GO SPAIN GO! GO SPAIN GO!

hope spain wins this time.

And to those out there, stop trying to hide it... it's really obvious the way you guys act...... only baby can't tell what you are doing. If you think it's going to hurt me, congratulations, better slow than never. But trying to cover up doesn't mean you won't hurt me. THE DAMAGE IS DONE..... nothing you can do about it.
I know many others probably have gotten over it. But here I am admitting that i am still very bothered about it. And you ask why. Because it is not because I lost to anyone. It's because I lost to stupid judgement. What happened to not judging a book by it's cover? Oh right, it only exists in talks and books.

Anyway, I don't care. As I have said already, I will still get most of what I want.

Shit i wish to slap some people.

GO SPAIN GO. the dream team (:

Pols polls pol

2010-06-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

Sighs a big sigh

I don't know, everyone must be dying to know how i am feeling right now.....
guess pols just can't leave me even though i have tried so hard to avoid them.
Not that no one knows who and how I really am.

All i can say is, sometimes, having a big mountain behind may not necessarily be good.

I'm fine. All fine. Just not pleased with the process..... is it not blatant enough already? Why the need to come up with stories that no one will buy?

Let nature take its course, we all say. Yet, things will surely change no matter what. Everyone can see that easily. What will happen will happen despite some efforts to prevent at all cost. No use.

World cup is getting interesting afterall. But at the rate things are going, if the hot favourites don't get into knockout stage, i will definitely lose interest. GO BRAZIL, SPAIN and GERMANY!! Don't let me down~

Doesn't this just show how much i mind punctuality and teamwork? Doesn't it just show that I am capable and initiative? Sigh, why am i so 不争气... always caring for others before myself as usual...
get a grip. It's not the end of the world.

But seeing my immediate future now, I have no idea how I am going to survive this year.... so many things to settle, so little time. Such lousy time management.

Then again at times, the only people you can turn to are always your families. Treasure them before you regret. And remember to remind yourself about that. Trust me, this is the 2nd time i learn the same lesson.

No more brooding. And to those who even read this blog of mine, please don't talk to me about it anymore. Unless a miracle appears like the everyone starts to protest and insist that I be in too, go away.

se7en..... only i look alot older

2010-05-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

Two thumbs up for the curious case of benjamin button!

It's yet another one of those movies that one will never be tired of watching. Every time I watch it, there is always new takeaways. I love these kind of movies- so heartwarming!

Two thumbs up for Brad Pitt's wonderful acting and his forever so hot wholesomeness...

Okay study math

Today

2010-04-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

No matter how late i will have to stay up to finish studying for math class test tmr and also finishing econs tutorial, i must do this now.

Today, I feel humane again. Today, I cleansed my soul. Today, I was touched. It's not that I am going to grumble about why is life so unfair.

Where big supermarkets sell their goods at such high prices, earning money by the bulk, vagabonds are milling around in nooks and creaks, standing strong for their survival, selling their goods at such low prices, people wonder they actually do earn at all.
Then what is economics for... yet i guess, one is an exception, that's why in the real world, ceteris paribus does not exist. But there are so many of these one persons scattered all around this small red dot. And heck, he is BLIND.

It's really not about what the goods are. It's that strand of hope hanging there that I see, fighting for survival, withstanding heat and humidity.
SO to people who complain about not having aircon for just one minute, shame on you.
It's that determination to work for what little he can earn that touched me. It is that insistent character in him to return changes despite the fact that we as customers deliberately want to give him more. That integrity, that honesty...... That frustration i see in him standing and sitting, fumbling restlessly, perpetually holding on to that pathetic bag of tissues, with that same old and yellowed ziplock bag containing all the medication like Vicks... and that same old bag that used to contain all the delightful buscuits... and all that is left now is a bagful of mentos... before one kind soul walk past and buy just that small pack of tissue.
just because nobody gave a thought about buying those things....... well at least he'd have survived after all these years. Since the first time i saw him there- 5 years ago already. Goodness knows how long he had been there.

And then he is so polite. As compared to the aunty who sold me mentos a few hours ago at $1, he spoke to me like I am a customer buying Prada. For $0.80 at that.

I guess i am still cowardly... I stood there for a long long time, across the long aisle, waiting for the time nobody was there. Then i approached him. Although $4 may not seem like a lot, and it's probably half a meal for us, it means alot to him. And i am glad I was able to help him pull through another day.

Damn the world.

Oh there is just so much we can learn from these people.

Blast!

2010-04-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Today's JTS was quite cool! love the hilarious seniors (:
Hope all the food were gone!

i realised i should post now as the post before this is a little bit dirty for the eyes.... SIGH......... tons of work to do and econs lecture test tmr... DIES.

I think i still haven't crossed my heart barrier. Going will still be a drag as long as I don't cross that barrier- a wall more likely... It's really not you. It's about me now. And when a heart barrier gets built, it is really really hard for me to blast it down... since heart barriers are so rare. And now there are 2. How cool -.- the last one that ended took at least 2 years. Wonder how long this will be.

I don't think u even know that I am avoiding you...................................SIGH someone save me?

A load of expletives

2010-04-04T07:36:00.001-07:00

What can I say... Out of the mere fact that u r related to me, I will not shout out that whole lot to u. But that doesnt mean I will not get back at you for doing that to me.

Sometimes adults just don't understand technology. Or at least they forgot that a person who is near 20 can fully understand what is supposedly called " adult language"

Fuck you.

I know...

2010-03-29T08:58:00.001-07:00

I can see that distress in your eyes. Always lingering there whenever your eyes travel to that painful spot just above my shoulders.

But u have got to relax. It isn't my fault that I got it. Neither is it your fault. And I am not as badly hit as you perceived me to be... So u don't be too.....

This is part and parcel of life. There isn't any denial in that... Life is never fair. The cleverest person looks as pretty as a toad and the httest person probably has brains the size of peanuts.
What matters most is whether I take it to heart or not, whether I care about what Thera think of me or not, whether i live life as I want it, to the fullest or not.

I know your concern for me about the future is really causig you sleepless nights. But as I have said, whoever who loves me will accept my everythig including this little thing.

For your everlasting awesomness, I salute you.

Yo Ho Yo Ho

2010-03-20T10:31:00.001-07:00

hehehehehehehe... today was a good day!

Breakfast + Lunch + Dinner = Brunchner = <3

It's buffet! What can u expect!

Johnny Depp pwns. This holidays's been a rather exciting adventure for me (: In my imagination, that is. Watching movies after movies in my head, swishing and ducking... aye aye aye.

To become a lucid dreamer..
well there's no need.. i'm one (:

days are passing by

2010-03-09T07:23:00.000-08:00

For my fellow friends out there who are feeling as depressed and sad as I am now over school work or some school setbacks/rejections, here are some tips for the destresserinyou!

PLAY the piano! Or something that can let the feeling out.

And then tell someone.

A while ago when we were going for a lesson discussing intensely about something, some one commented that we are damn close (: which is a good thing isn't it!

Well, at least I had some privacy... at least they didn't know.. that's one thing i can be grateful for out of this mess...

haze.......

those memories again......

2010-03-01T00:49:00.001-08:00

HBL is quite a waste of time. And the content's quite crap. CRAP.

Life's back to norm i guess... which is a good thing. So far so good, life as it is, only thing that's short is the cash i should have gotten :( haha shall go and zui zai huan zai (:

meantime, econs and pw hbl sucks! Like how to do man!

Ahh

2010-02-23T08:36:00.000-08:00

4 nights straight of performance, 2 times a day from monday to thursday............ like machine like that... where got time to do all the homework!! *dies*

"if you can survive 2 weeks in JC, you can survive 4 years in ny"

haha i like that sentence (:

Ouch! it's hurting like never before! What's happening? May miracles really happen.

Life is so __________ now. And mum's just dragged me to buy assessment books already. Please lor! i'm like one of the more mugger person in my class for these 2 weeks lo! :O surprising eh! hahahahahahha

THE MUGGER IN ME!

Ahhhhh

2010-02-14T07:14:00.001-08:00

No one understands how I really feel...
No one understands how much pain I have to endure every single time...
No one understands the loneliness I feel on this long journey...
And no one tries to elevate me from my dampened feelings all the time

So much for emo-ing... well, that's how I felt a few days ago, and now, HAPPY CNY! I hope everyone gets many red packets (: while i rot in my house wishing i could go red packet collecting too.

Okay, 2 more days of fun, and the mugger in me will come out! TRUST ME! hahahahahahahahaha nights people!

TGIF!

2010-01-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Hehehe.... today's a tired day....

Which smartass decided to make school start at 1pm?! when the sun is high up in the sky aiming cancerous rays at us? Tsk

Shostakovich symphony 5! <3 <3 <3 not as much as brahms though... my lovely brahms hehe.

Oh gosh... i thought of so much to type down here, and then the moment i signed in, i forgot! WOW.

I can sense the mess my future will get. *dies dies*

So for the moment i shall publish this until i remember what i want to post.

Ponders

2010-01-21T04:02:00.000-08:00

I THINK...... that i think too much. SERIOUSLY

Like just now when I was strolling my way home, i started to think strange things like
- whales probably have never and will never see an ant in their whole lives
- Ants know that there are larger living things than them right?
And so on so forth.

Got a nail-clipper-can-opener today. Cool! Just the thing i want!

Today's CCA was fruitful to some extend... though we didn't manage to address every issue. Ah well, what gives!

Okay I should be doing some work now.

Gods! HCCO prac will be till 7pm every mons and weds!

There is hope!

2010-01-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

And all went well during VCH site recce! Everything was settled in sliiiiightly more than an hour... (:

Looking forward to tmr... Seoul Garden with 6c '05! Hehe... hope we will K.I.T. for many more years to come!

Pffffft... and tmr i am going to tune a future-student-to-be's yangqin for a mere $40... Speaking of which, my own yangqin is in so terribly in tune :P Oh speaking of irony......... but seriuosly, if i don't take students, there's no point in tuning my own yq SINCE i don't really care. It's not in public, who cares! haha (AND THEN i'll regret it later when i need it for public uses in months to come -.- But right now, i don't give any hoots~)

I have just found more ways of DE-stressing!
- REREAD your blog! It works well for me... at least because most of my blog posts are quite meaningful~
- Bitch. Yes seriously. Let out your frustrations to someone whom you can trust.
- Go shopping! Find people you like to hang out with! Preferably very close ones or just one... and do the "Bitch." as well
- PLAY MAHJONG!! yep! this is my favourite! (:

Pah! My mum just boughtParrot botanicals brand bar soap to use as cupboard fragrance. Yes, she loves that smell. But it smells like soap!! pffffffft!

Me ish hungrysh... shall goesh and get shome light food (:

It's a new world

2010-01-17T08:06:00.000-08:00

Yepp! And tomorrow is a new day for a not so new person!
Tmr is the start of my JC life... which according to many people, it's gonna suck much and rock little.. WHICH makes the rocking part all the more enjoyable (:

There are only a few things on my mind now...
1) I have no expectations
2) Sheesh i have to take chinese this year...
3) I hope all will be well

Went to the petrol station today and the cashier gave me 3 packs of ang paos... like I need any at all..... pffft, here's one new year gone to waste! At least I will get to play mahjong the whole of valentine's day! The only thing to look forward to this CNY... AND at least I can perform (:

Tmr's VCH site recce... hope all goes well.

*looks at a bug walk past my computer screen*
whatever...

Okay i am bored. nights!

Good closures are always great

2010-01-01T05:40:00.000-08:00

Finally the hustle and bustle of christmas and new year celebrations are over! (: Thank you everyone again for giving me wonderful days of the year 2009!

GE chalet was a blast! It all started with the usual BBQ, which by the time Cass, my sis and I reached there, food has already started to be served (: So after we had our fill, cass n i went to get our overnight bikes just for fun... only to realise that we were going night cycling this year! SO exciting!!

Anyway, the journey started at around 12.30 am after all the warm ups and stretches, spliting the 30-strong army of excited cyclist into 3 groups of 10 for all safety reasons.
We started out from East Coast chalet, going towards the macdonald's side and all the way to the end, exited the safe cycling track and entered Forks road. From forks road, we continued to Mountbatten (kallang stadium area) and then to nicoll highway....

Here! on nicoll highway... see the flyer in the distance?! (:

Us passing by Singapore eye~

And to Esplanade where the floating wish balls are! So pretty!!! AND hazel and yuka thought the balls could light up on their own! hahaha

Us stopping at the kopitiam for a toilet/ food break- just opposite SMU

The road along ION! Destination reached!

Ekjun and Derek gaying at the entrance of orchard MRT outside ION -.-

After that, it's on to Newton circus, and a turn down to Little India, Bugis, Kallang, and back to East Coast again! And when we reached the safety of East Coast, everyone started chionging back to the chalet... which made everyone even more tired than we already are after 6 hours of cycling. Overall it was very energy draining. HM.. come to think of it, it's only because we kept stopping every few hundred kilometres because the group before us had some technical problems on their bikes, and my group can't overtake their group. YEA.... if not our butts won't hurt that much! Arrr but still, 团体精神比较重要!

Went to Macs with our bikes for our breakfast, WHILE waiting for time to pass to 9am to return our bikes. HAHA and we were ultra tired, sleepy and bored we started to alterat games into 1 UP and hahahaha etc etc, which made us all hyped up again. Anyway, after we returned the bikes, Cass, Yuka, Hazel and I went to hazel's house to have a good shower (chalet and public toilets sucks BIG time) and some sleep for body recuperation~

Everyone woke up and got ready, and by 6 plus, we went back to the chalet for catered dinner, which turned out to be not, because there were too little ppl, SO we went to eat at burger king.

Then when we returned, i taught hazel, yuka and cass how to play mahjong, and somehow, we started BBQ again, thanks to yiqing. Hehe... yiqing does the best BBQ~~~ By 12am, we were still BBQing... but hey, there weren't any other people around us so it doesn't matter! This time, we slept and left yesterday morning.

Then at 6pm, cass, my sis and I went to Julian's house to countdown for the year 2010! AND julian's house is huge too. With a mini cinema which is easily 3 times that the size of Weishan's mini cinema. rrrrrrrrright... And everyone just karaoked/watched movies and highed till this morning... Then after breakfast, we left for home!

Now's the new year, my 1st new year resolution is to clear my table! (: hehehehe

looking forward to 405 class chalet on the 11th at Downtown East!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2009-12-31T08:07:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2010! a year of new ventures ahead! For nobody's information (FNI), I am now at Julian's house celebrating new year with fellow ge mates (: not all but yea! (: shall go off now (:

Sleepless night

2009-12-28T10:57:00.000-08:00

Pffffffft..... Why did I drink so much tea?! hehe.. In the first place, I shouldn't have Why did I drink so much tea?! Then again, if I didn't drink wine I won't need to drink tea to stay sober. It's yet another sleepless night...

Ahhh the moon is so bright and pretty.... * mesmerized mesmerized* gosh! The more I look at it, the scarier it looks!

Thanks everyone for the wonderful presents! And everyone whom I spent my day with everyday. Ah! The most eventful christmas ever! Sorta bu3 chang2 my bland and come- at- the - wrong- time birthday..

Now, to learn how to spend away lonely sleepless nights...

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

Had a fun time with my fellow Eroickeys (:
Though....... they didn't go as planned at the end cos everyone just got carried away with k boxing -.- thanks so much... WHICH is why i don't like to k box.. well one of the reasons..
Avatar was quite nice, but i agree that it's a little pointless

Today, i had a fun time with Dill at Kallang leisure park! lost touch on ice skating.... *coughscoughs* BUT AHA! i finally learnt how to skate backwards!
Bodyguards and Assassins is quite nice too! Emo here and there... but haha worth the 2 hours. SINCE... it's like empty and I was lying down on 2 seats by the end of the show... comfortable (:

AND..... christmas eve! (which is now) partying at my couz house~~ too bad some people aren't going :( which is my whole purpose of going in the first place

Hehe... this year's christmas is like the most happening~ (:

Merry Christmas everyone! Have fun!

My 109th post!!

2009-12-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

Whooooooo! My 109th post on itouch! Yayness

finally made my new spectacles and crazily agreed to organize an event..... Hi woman why are you always doing crazy things?

Anyway, congrats to everyone who contributed in any way to the sucess of the singapore yangqin society concert! Cheers to many more years of friendship and fun.

I have recently stopped being addicted to Internet. Like it doesn't appeal to me anymore. Not even facebook.......... Mum says it's a good thing hehe.... Ah well at least...

Me blog looks like a total failure but I don't care~ hehe I like the squiggly~~~~~ it squiggles!

Stop randoming !!!!

I WONDER....

2009-12-11T08:29:00.001-08:00

The craziness of a piece.... obviously my wonderings will go to waste. I am wondering if it is possible to borrow a real bianzhong. 编钟。
Obviously impossible SINCE the only 2-3 orchestras who own a set- or at least part of a set in Singapore will never lend their instruments.
Not to talk about that bulk of an instrument.
It costs a fortune WHICH other than those 2-3 orchestras, probably no other orchestras can afford to get them.

Watch crazy people do crazy things. But sometimes, 心有余而力不足. THAT is the sad reality of life.

I wish I am touring in Europe now.

Oh yea. Sorry guys for having to wait for my KYUSHU photo album on fb.. i tried to upload the pictures today.. but i tried 3 TIMES and everytime there's always a reason it couldn't finish uploading. SO hehe.. i'll try again tmr.

A crazy idea just passed my head. BUT if I were that person i will not part with my money so easily for no benefit.

When am i going to make my new pair of spectacles?! W)#U)($R#$%*!@)(&!^_^&#!

Going into randomness now... pffffft.

Shall I go or not?

2009-12-06T01:53:00.000-08:00

Okay. one whole week of being busy and now i am back.

Yea, i know, i owe 30 people photos and a few others ticket sales... blahblahblah

but to those who know, thanks for being patient and understanding

for those who don't know, sorry for dragging things and i really understand all your worries no matter how hard on me you all were...

oh the irony.. and we are not supposed to wear bright coloured clothes, namely red, for 100 days? what's my red car for eh? (:

Yea man!

2009-10-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHA.....

after being on an unofficial blogging hiatus, i'm back! hehe..
for no reason o.O

been having loads of fun alone time after eoys and O lvl is here!

Gee... in school, everyone's talking about what subject combi to take next year and so on.. and here i am wondering i can even think of those things... but no matter what, i still have to face them eh, no use feeling sad over it all the time... since what is done cannot be undone. Everything is already settled and decided.. all i can do is to wait for it to reach me. Only i really really hope it's for the better

Besides that, everyone's also talking about future career and stuff... let's just say i don't need to worry about the 1st problem, i have no idea what i want too... no. what i don't want.. Faced with two possibilities, one of which is almost impossible and the other is not easy to grasp.. which one should i 拼了命去争取呢？
Yet again, what happens in the future, no one knows, and the possibilities are definitely not only 2.

Sigh, don't really know whether i should fight for myself or 走一步算一步, forget about the risks. Take the safe route.

Still, these are problems not worth thinking until my first one is settled. Wish for the best.
Shall end here (:

This is crazy

2009-09-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

I AM GOING MAD.......

from trying desperately to find the piece that I keep humming....... Dang it! why are 20th century composers so unpredictable!! Dang Shosta! So hard to find anything at all! But i love that melody~so dainty! GRR! pissed

In the meantime, it's 3 days to EOYS :( = 3 days to MY BIRTHDAY :D... but fancy having a birthday on the 1st day of EOYs... life sucks hardcore

I want to KNOW THAT PIECE!

For tagboard, pls scroll down

2009-08-06T06:52:00.000-07:00

FINALLY BLOCKS OVER~~~~~~~~! yay yay yay haha

Went to cold storage earlier on today, and hey, well come to the future (:

Yes, futuristic cart. It's called the futurecart.... a mini TV in front of the trolley you push around in a supermarket which shows you which section of the supermarket you are at, AND prevent you from "accidentally" pushing it back to your house (:

Simply classic~

we wanted to buy all these yougurt at 10 for $9. Yea cass is holding 10- almost dropping. Okay no they dropped.

In the end we chose 4 (: mango, blueberry, aloe vera n apple... wanted to buy like hagen daaz too. Cold storage was having some treat. Spend $20 and above using a FUTURE CART and get something free. AND the free thing is lurve~ hahaha lol! and then we decided not to cos we were gg to have ice- cream cake in a few hours.. (:

After the cashier: Thank you for shopping in Cold storage hahahaha (: so cool

Today

2009-07-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

Waaaa..... mrs ee evil leh... gave me only 3 nights to prepare a ppt for co. HAR... but it was quite well done, so can la (:

Li Yun Di's concert was not say really Wow wow.... but could tell he was like pissed or sth.... couldn't wait to finish n get home..... har... but ah well, what gives.

but Li is still good.

For tagboard, pls scroll down!

2009-07-18T08:43:00.002-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASS~

haha today was an eventful day (:

Went to bishan in the morning to get cake for surprise party, n on the way met chunyang before going over... When everyone reached Admiralty mrt station, I called cass, pretending I fought with my parents and asked her if i could go to her house (in the cry-ish way). Cass asked her mum n she said okay, so i said i was 15 minutes away. (Of course her mum knows! i asked her for permission to crash her house ytd!!)

We reached and went to 9th level so that we don't make so much noise and alert her. We were like crowding around the middle level between 7th and 8th stairs trying to put the candles in place when this aunty suddenly came up to us with that *suspicious eyes*!! haha then she saw the cake and went away.

Then to execute the plan! It kind of was not exactly like how i planned... i was supposed to call her n tell her i am outside so she open the door, then as she opens the door, we sing happy birthday!

But the actually thing went like that... somehow, the brothers didn't come with me to the door, hiding by the turn. So i just pressed the door bell, n cass let me in with me "looking rather down"... closing the door behind me. Then the 8 brothers came again, ringing the door bell. Cass's mum shouted at cass to open the door. Then she opens and "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!........" harharhar!! got a shock of her life man! (: yayness!

Then chunyang managed to convince me to go watch liu xing's concert... bloody $55!! ahh! and the row behind us where moses n gang were sitting were like $20!!!!!!!! Q#@)U@)G($GVP@$(... thanks man! and it wasn't rlly worth it... as usual the orchestra: intonation er... balance er.... yea u get the point

yay shall go facebook upload pictures of today

For tagboard, pls scroll down!

2009-07-18T08:43:00.001-07:00

100th post!

2009-07-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

For tagboard, pls scroll all the way down (:

I've never seen some people go online so often before (often aka more than once every month o.O)Ah ha! okay means nothing... only that i have more chances of talking to those people hahaha....

Went for yo concert today...

one phrase: reverse peristalsis...

sorry dear brahms!!!

okay la, on the whole it wasn't that bad... and i see improvements from Eroica!! haha wonders of brahms.

okay shall go off now.....

so much for the 100th post

Out of practice

2009-07-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

yea seriously... my fingers just refuse to be evenly in control, with me staring at horror as my fingers become tangled o.O...

Grace came at 1.30am, n we cooked maggi mee n milk tea while watching in the dark (: nice!

Okay shall do the pissed one now.
When u are pissed, these are the few things u can do to alleviate the mounting fire in you:
1) Go take a warm, steamy shower. Better still if u have bath tub. Use it as how a bath tub should be used (: The effect is instantaneous!
2) Play your instrument!! Get you off your thoughts for that while, kind of an escape to some heavenly retreat in your mind. Okay an escape from troubles/reality. It de-stresses too! <3<3>

Ah well... *waits for photos to be bluetoothed into lappy*

Today I tagged along with mum to her ex-colleagues' reunion lunch. We went to this jap restaurant called shokudo @ Heeren. I thought it was quite cool... like how the 6 of them were colleagues for not more than 5 years, and yet they are still in contact with each other now. They were all engineers in VSL, and now all of them are not in VSL... the power of friendship... haha, and then most are married with children (: (ME!!) I went for their previous reunion as well (about 3 or 4 years ago). It's quite cool how although they left VSL at different times, they still are together. And it's been at least 10 years already. Then i suddenly found myself thinking, "Will TBR be like them in the not so far away future?" Well, basically TBR, but other groups of friends too... will we still meet up after we have our own jobs n our own lives to live? I think it really depends on staying in contact and really giving the effort to make it possible. Haha...

ANYWAY, that restaurant was quite cool! It wasn't really a restaurant. More like a street of jap food... Took some pictues of it:

That is outside heeren... shokudo. name of restaurant

This is INSIDE shokudo (: one of the stalls

The "more like street" thing i was talking about... stalls along a roadway haha..

And then we use card to pay for whatever we want to eat... The exit is erm supermarket look alike. A few cashiers for ppl to queue up and pay up (depending on the amount in the card) before being able to exit... hahaha. cool~

okay i shall go n slp. tmr's a day for chionging SRQ, n math (which i will probably DO on monday. do.)

hohoho

2009-07-10T09:42:00.001-07:00

i conclude that brandenburg concerto kills my brain cells...

yay!! in slightly less than 1 hour, grace is coming over to watch GATTACA with me! haha starts at 2am on HBO (: can't wait!!

in the mean time, should i go watch another movie or get myself familarized with brahms string quartets/bach's brandenburg concertos? HM.....

okay, the show on now is just weird... i shall listen n probably fall asleep o.O O.o o.O O.o haha okay no.

bored

stupid tagboard

2009-07-07T06:59:00.001-07:00

hm.... some how after using safari for a long time, using internet explorer back is abit funny... i think i like safari more than explorer.. haha.

Never thought i'd say this so early, but, i am really looking forward to this year's NAC piano and violin music competition. 5-13 dec (: 2 years back one was quite wow, since i am such a noob in piano...

Tuesday.
For the first time in my whole life, i had nothing- NOTHING at all to do on a typical tuesday afternoon. AHH the CCA days!!! :( :( :(
But thankfully the taiwan guys are around. Went to AMK hub with lele and shirlynn and we totally spammed the food section, which is a pathetic plot of sunken land on basement 1. While waiting for hui jun of course! Then the taiwan buddies, huiyan n A lee came, to find that the taiwan buddies wanted to shop more than eat... haha. anyway, we the few of us kind of "stalked" them around AMK hub! banged into them, n ingrid's buddy called me! haha he remembers my name! It was quite boring actually, walking aimlessly, but at the same time, quite a way to waste time off. Took pics with the taiwan buddies (THEIR LAST DAY WITH US! ahh haha) before they left! And then we found out that ingrid's buddy (jing han! i rmb your name! haha) made a bracelet that says I <3 S*X hahaha so naughty arh! and he is younger than us o.o

I guess my youth day ytd is repaid today haha.

Then when you are alone at home, and feel like relaxing, i have some suggestions (: it works!! haha that's if u are an avid fan of brahms or in general, classical music :P
1) Listen to Brahms. ESPECIALLY symphony no 4 movement 1. It is overly soothing and romantic. Basis: his harmony is superb! Painting a calm and relaxed mood in the atmosphere. Like what one of my friend said when he heard it, " feels like a leaf slowly floating down... as light as feather." I was having major trauma one fine day last year n i turned it on. That totally made me more composed! yay for brahms. totally sensational.
2) Get some chocolate! It really works! chocolate's been scientifically proven that it calms one down. So no reason to not try! haha only, please don't take chocolates which are of lousy quality ( those chinese new year coin chocolates are totally OUT). Cadbury works just fine. Swiss chocs are still better though (:
3) Go turn on the computer and start blog surfing! *with brahms still playing of course* alternatively, read your own past entries if you have a blog. It brings back a little of nostalgia, but the over effect is really cool.
4) Go watch a movie. at home of course! turn on HBO or Star World or something along that line...with a cup of hot drink. Fattening, not really, depending on what drink you have. Entertaining, totally. Relaxing, probably, depending on what movie you are watching
5) Do some catching up with old friends you haven't been seeing for a long long long time! It totally let u rmb all the happy past that u had been forced to leave behind.

Okay, that's the end of things u can do if u are alone at home and feel like relaxing. shall do the pissing one the next time i blog! haha

sorry for the tagboard once again! pls all the way down if u want to tag! which i highly doubt so

NOT AGAIN!!!!

2009-07-06T09:01:00.001-07:00

FOR SOME REASONS, MY STUPID TAGBOARD AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS BELOW MY WHOLE POST AGAIN...... sigh until when i decide to see how to fix it again, i'm so sorry! haha

Happy Youth Day!

2009-07-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Youth Day saw me walking down the sodden path alone, along Bugis...

Haha, no, actually my plan for today is to stay at home and finish up my homework o.O basically just HMP research paper on Verdi and his Operas... yea, i know, such a stupid me who chose a topic that is not that easy to do. Went to Bugis library to find more stuff on Verdi. Well, no, actually it is for me to get more citations which would look nice on my bibliography page. Cos the books I photocopied pages of and borrowed were not of much use. Well, mum dropped me off, n went to hospital, giving me around 1 hour to finish my data collecting, which I did in slightly less than an hour.
So i decided to go walk around Bugis. Went into the iluma, and that was quite interesting.. Realised some interesting things. From saturday's shopping spree and today's iluma, i realised that the new shopping malls in s'pore are rather greyscale and they really focus on exterior design. And small intricate shops as the main shops, with restaurants all high up in the sky, haha. Well, at least, i bought a few presents there, and went to OG to buy the pair of shoes I saw ytd which i wanted (: Okay, so it's hello kitty flats, but hey, it looks nice (: A little treat for my lonely youth day, haha... In the end, I had to go home myself cos if i didn't, i won't be able to finish my hmp paper... while walking, rain poured -.- thanks mann...

Was on the train when i saw this poster along the tunnel at city hall...

i think it should be readable, yea that's me with my new bag which mum bought a few days ago for me, and a black skirt. Holding an OG bag with shoes inside. Anyway, just so incase it is unreadable, the whole thing goes lke this:

The composer Johannes Brahms was an avid collector of toy soldiers. He played with them until even well in his thirties!

That was an advertisement for SSO's 30th anniversary, but main point is, BRAHMS! <3>

oops haha! well, now i have ALMOST finished hmp paper (: shall go finish it up

Inspirational

2009-07-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

nothing. just suddenly thought of that title.

had a very very funny conversation with qin kai ytd (: kept me awake the whole of the 1st three wee hours of today (: could NOT stop laughing at all... HAHAHAHA oops, so sorry! After the whole thing I was felt guilty yet amused at the same time.

i realised i have been "blogging" for a very long time. and this is what i had written so far haha

Spent my whole day out with mum today... well not exactly the whole day cos i woke up for lunch o.O But it was the whole afternoon and night! We were planning to go to the new mall, orchard centre, to look around. Dad dropped us opposite Far East cos he didn't want to go into town aka pay ERP... so we walked across the overhead bridge, and on a side note, saw gao tian! HAHAHA.... anyway, walked across the overhead bridge, n mum was choosing whether to walk down by the bridge or just slunk into far east n walk down from there aka enjoy aircon... of course we can't resist the temptation of aircon haha... so we went into far east. AND then, the most predictable thing happened... HAHAHAHA we went in n was stuck in there for around 3 hours. OOPS!
Saw rebekah and the taiwan buddy there too! haha... we walked the whole of far east, and tried many dresses, and of course finally bought many dresses too! Quite cool (: Fruitful day i guess... HAHA...

then we went on to orchard centre and had a look around. design was quite nice, but a bit too grey scale. Very interesting themes for each level, and that's about it cos there are still many shops that are not ready to open for business yet. Then we found out one thing. The MOS BURGER outlet there was the most HIGH CLASS mos burger outlet ever! haha like seriously, glass cup for drinks and soup cup for soup? haha!

Did some catching up with an old old old friend whom i recently just start seeing her again. Ah the old times (: for a period of time, i didn't know if we could still get together again... haha thanks for just now though!

<3 my new dresses n shirts n BELT! haha

Okay i admit! Russian composers are good. Recently just got addicted to Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. Okay weird, but seriously! it is really nice! But that is an interesting piece of music... created a riot in the audiences when it first premiered. Half the hall supported that piece, and the other half were against it.
But I still like the germans more. BRAHMS~ haha Brahms FTW!

yay for friday

2009-07-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

ICE AGE 3 was nice. Well, at least, it could do without the 3D... but the fun part is that we got the best seats in the house! yay! That we must really really thank Moses for selecting the seats, and Weileong for paying the extra booking fees (: Thank you!! The BEST part is that it was a partial but anyway still is GE outing! (: geeeez
Anyway, sad that there is still no CO pracs and tha FOA is postponed... but ah well, we will still get them, hopefully i guess..

we should totally have more ge outings (:

over :(

2009-06-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

aw man, i cannot stand the prospect of saturday coming (: to the heck with all the homework.

GECO concert was a success man! and i really enjoyed my time (: its actually the first time in my whole life i enjoy performing in a concert. As in form my heart. Didn't feel nervous... really, just enjoying my whole time. The feeling is totally different from the other concerts (like nyco concert). I will never forget this day (:
Thanks everyone, especially my beloved section for all the good and sometimes not so good memories.
Tonight's concert was a blast! Like duh~ geco leh... hahaha.

This concert's journey has really taught me many things and gained me a lot of experience. I am really appreciative of all the advices and opportunities given to me. I really will treasure all of these (:

ponders

2009-06-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

I remember a sentence that goes this way... from this movie that i watched long long time ago

When children have problems, they ask the adults for help. When adults have problems, they ask the gods for help. But when gods have problems, who do they look up to for help?

People are just too reliant on others to make things happen.
Poor gods. They have to feel the pain of their little beings on earth and their own problems too....

But then again, if people were not so reliant, there won't be a need for gods eh?

Anyway, thanks for the advice, the key, the words of encouragement and the happy times (: these little happy things really pull me through these times (: Well, of course each item comes from different people.

no......

2009-06-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

i am sorry. sorry for not considering all the factors for why the reactions.

the underlying reason is for us to be more visible to someone isn't it?
don't worry. he will pull through till after the concert. This concert will be played in memory for him. He will pull through to hear how wonderful the concert was.

yes.

Pfffffffffffffffft

2009-06-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

okay fine... so i come home earlier than 10 pm and u smile. SO? do u see me do more to her things that u want me to do?
staying out doesn't mean anything much okay. I still am doing what i did a few nights ago.

Oh whatever.

Anyway, *keeps fingers crossed* things better turn out fine. SHE better not know. AF...... shucks

Sometimes things are just like that

2009-06-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

i can't say i hate them because deep in my heart, i really love them.

But i can say i am quite irritated. But still... they are them after all. I'll be even more worried if they don't shout at me for coming home late or sth... haha

At most i bear the always-short-lived consequences.

I understand... i really understand. but at the same time, i also need to do what i want to.

today is

2009-06-14T09:45:00.001-07:00

aiya sho shad.... thought we could have some fun at yishun... didn't expect it to happen leh....
next time okay? X)

but anyway, today's xiaozu was quite productive (: haha short of a few distractive personals...And a few more complaints from some ppl whom unfortunately for those ppl mentioned, their cause is quite true. haha

ah kns... tmr must go see teacher early in the morning... so shit. out of all the timings she can choose...

2009-06-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

HOHOHO

really tough week ahead! shouldn't have joined moe co camp.. then i'll have more time doing other stuff like practicing... anyway, if we don't go, how are we to get ppl to watch our concert?
hahahaha

needs to slp... but can't :( tmr needa wake up early mann

stop the time!

2009-06-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHA

it's so funny how people react to certain other people during different times. It's so fun to watch these reactions. They really bring quite a lot of entertainment (:
It's cool being those certain other people too.... hahahaha

interesting human reactions (:

woah! it's going to be a tough half a month left ahead! gambatte XD

Bloody shit

2009-06-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

Yea, look at my msn nick. I feel like a piece of shit now.
feel darn lousy.

Okay so i sent a "threatening" email to each and everyone of you urging you guys to be quieter during dazus.
So I agreed to your request of not using harsh words on all of you because of age and respect.
So I let you guys talk during dazu, only hushing you guys up when it gets a little too noisy. Which by the way is considered too loud for some people IN FRONT of us AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE ACROSS THE ROOM.
So I don't just shout shut up at you guys after trying to hush you guys up for the umpteenth time.
SO I DID TRY TO MAKE YOU GUYS SHUT THE HELL UP AFTER PRACTICES BECAUSE YOU KNOW I NEED TO TALK AND I CAN NEVER HEAR MYSELF.
SO I DON'T CARE WHEN YOU GUYS CONTINUE JAMMING AFTER 5 BLOODY SECONDS OF PEACE.

can i beg you guys to be more SENSITIVE AND CONSIDERATE? and sometimes it's not that i like saying harsh words. do you think by saying nicely and reminding everyone all the time works better than harsh words? Did it work?

sorry, i am just feeling damn lousy. Every time any one say something about our section that is not good, I feel disappointed AND DARN SAD... i feel hurt. And then i am not saying that i am perfect. i slip too...
have more self discipline perhaps?

don't do this to me?

Wheww whee!

2009-06-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

Wow. Today's verdict: CRAZY.

it was weirdly crazy in the afternoon with the older generation.
AND at night, hilariously high with my crazed section. NOT because they drank o.O

haha explains alot why i love being with them so much doesn't it? hahahahahahahahahahahaha
okay now i am being damn high

fun day

2009-06-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

yay! science centre trip was damn fun!

Da Vinci is a stupid genius. bleah...
should have brought more money... got so much stuff i want to buy... SIGH

nevertheless, it was a fun day!

holSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

2009-06-02T08:00:00.001-07:00

writing autobiography can be quite fun!
*thanks my teacher despite forcing me to write in chinese*

yea, it was an autobiography on my yangqin life. Wrote 10 pages and barely started on being in NAFA... haha
and halfway thru i got a little emotional... after all its about CO and then lately i start seeing my old friends again... so funny how people can become so like complete stranger despite a close past eh...

its not that i don't want to say hi to u! every time i look at u u turn away, and every time i spy u looking at me, i am in the midst of doing sth...
okay face the truth, i didn't know how to react... but strangely, every time i think about it, i could picture me going towards u and smiling, saying a hello at the same time.

AH SHIT... to the hell with getting old friends back. SMILE WENDY. SMILE

Ahhhhhhhhh

2009-05-31T20:56:00.001-07:00

And that whole screwed week of sabbs ended perfectly! at night of course.

Star gazing was so cool! well of course not lying on the field and watch stars twinkle, but really see details of stars/moon! wow. Moon was quite ordinary. My telescope could see as well too.
SATURN! was a great surprise! its the first time i saw saturn "live" (consider it past since it takes ____ light years for light on saturn to reflect to earth) with its rings and Titan (one of saturn's moons) orbiting! i saw titan move!!!! ahh 8screams in excitement* (:

And then ytd was quite exciting too, with all that hubalaba (whatever it means. wait it doesn't mean anything) about a new piece we are working on. Overly exciting and fun! it is over challenging, but at the same time catchy, so when we familiarized with the score, we will more be having fun than worrying about wrong notes/rhythms. that is so cool.

hope to see more!

One week gone

2009-05-28T18:50:00.000-07:00

whoa, and it was a whole week of gaming and gaming... only except my computer was spoilt on one day i was being a nice kid on monday.

Besides that, it's hour sand hours of chioning everything, which i think i didn't do well enough because i didn't give enough effort.

okay lame shit. I have no idea why i am describing my boring life (which by th eway is not gg to be so boring soon- june hols) wahahahahahahaha :D okay i am crazy.
seriously, this should teach our teachers a lesson to not giv eus so much homework during sabbs week. Ppl just start poning school just to do homework. Defeats all purpose.

Okay shall go back to gaming now o.O sigh
well at least cosmo is nice

Nothing much

2009-05-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

Wow can't imagine a 2-year-old cold war can end with a smile, yet again accidentally. Like how it started accidentally...
I was actually laughing at a joke -.-

ANYWAY, nothing much today... tata go play games

For tagboard, pls scroll all the way down

2009-05-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

Think about it.

A tells B stuff about C which is not 100% true because it is only in A's point of view. C knows and doesn't care. One day, C goes around advertising about an event, only to see that B isn't very supportive, despite the fact that B and C were quite good friends.
Won't C then thinks that B has been influenced by A to feel negative about C? Won't C been sad and feel rejected? (even though C may know that B is quite straightforward and doesn't usually say things about someone because B doesn't like that someone)

This is saddening, but thankfully it doesn't occur in my life (: At least not 100% of what i said. Point is that this is a perfect chance for misunderstandings to happen.... and it goes in a vicious cycle all over again.

Okay, ____ concert was not say very good, but commendable for some (:
and from now onwards, I am only going for quality concerts unless otherwise.
AND i will only perform in quality concerts unless i have a bond to some others or i get paid anyway :)

Why is it that I can sense something coming which i have no experience in handling before?
This is scary

For tagboard, pls scroll down

2009-05-23T03:25:00.000-07:00

johnny depp is weird.
tim burton is cool.

it is sad for one to be unable to touch one's beloved, least say hug...
sigh.
but it was a very beautiful story...

凄美的故事...

For tagboard, pls scroll all the way down

2009-05-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

HO HO HO... welcome to the new attraction......

HATEBOOK! wahahahahaha

it helps in a way though, allowing you to "distress" ? haha... just don't be too specific in pointing out the person. some are quite sad though, and some are just plain silly o.o

but anyway, thanks once again for being so pessimistic (: saved my life.

someone please slap me out of it... before it gets too deep all over again.

For Tagboard, pls scroll all the way down

2009-05-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

From now onwards, this shall be my title, until i decide to find out why my tagboard is down there.

FINALLY!!! finished that whole pile of homework. But seriously when you have so much stuff to worry about, and worse still, homework stands a high percentage of those worries.\, you tend to just give shit quality work.
Unless you really care about your marks. Then again, thinking about it, this is not a good thing. Not for me at least. Okay, so I did exaggerate a little... no i still care about homework, and so I do give work of certain quality. No doubt about that. BUT, given enough time (which i never will have because i always do last minute work) i think i can do better.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeew, and that is what everyone says, "IF ONLY i had more time....."
*censored*
this part is deleted in claiming that it will bore the readers out and their eye bags will increase by the time they finish reading this part.
Oh its easy! you can easily find any essay about how people like to procrastinate and how there is always enough time without procrastination blahblahblah... AND insert it in the censored part, and viola! you got it!

anyway, i had some incentives to blog a few days ago because i was momentarily touched by something I saw... but, seeing that it's over, and i am not in that mood now, i shall skip it, and never get around blogging abt that few incidents (: yes!

wahahahahahhaha... i feel evil now ;-)
sigh, people always think i can do a good job out of anything i am tasked/volunteered to do...
bleah, such high expectations.

Oh btw, if people knew me enough, they'd have known that i don't go around coughing because some people didn't do something. Sorry if you think it so. And i never did mean it the way u thought it to be. Thanks for hurting my feelings.
Oh yea, and just so you know, I dont wish it to continue, it does not feel good- been there, done that. SO it'd be nice if you didn't put these comments on your blog. Same for me as well, and i do apologise for the previous few posts.

OH MY BLOODY SHIT ASS

2009-05-16T06:57:00.001-07:00

NOW I EFFING KNOW WHERE MY TAGBOARD WENT!!!!!!!!

scroll all the way down please (:

Personal statement

2009-05-16T06:48:00.000-07:00

Just finished writing my personal statement, and i came to read my blog. Wow, and many things coincide. Especially so for being a child psychologist and being optimistic (:

realised that I am not a bad person after all. used to think I am not a very good person, with all that funny problems and such and sometimes not being able to solve all of them. BUT, as the saying goes, _________________________ i dont really know what saying :P wahahaha. Anyway, I thought back to my life changing 4 years, and realised that I have really grown alot. Within these 4 years, i have developed my own character and style, primarily based on the education i received from my mum. THANKS MUMMY!!! <3<3<3

Okay, gotta try to finish one more work before I decide to slack away (though i did most of it by sleeping away the hours already.)

Oh but before that, i want to thank everyone who one way or the other changed my life. (check out more of it in my other blog- will be tributing in that blog soon! whahahahahahaha XD)