I am scared

It's hard with all that stress and different things to worry about... Its hard being a parent. But its hard being a daughter too. True, tgere are things that is going on in your lives that you guys try so hard to cover in front of us by acting normal and stuff, but actually u are hurting yourself even more. But do u guys know how sad we feel having to pretend that we dont know anything and that all is well, and to act like innocent unknowing little kids in accordance to your subtle hints?

I'm really sick of standing outside the door eavesdropping on u guys, only able to hear snippets of what is happening and trying to piece
everything up tgt but hoping it is not interpreted wrongly cos it might be a big thing or a small matter.

I know recently u just got a call about me in school, and that omly just added to your whole list of worries..... And the things u say to me... Do u not know that they are only exaggerating the reality? Do u think that I dont know anything u said? Do you think that I am not already trying to cram as much as I can? You have never seen me at it. How i'd rather skip cca for tuition and how I am like the only one who keep doing work during cca, right in front of the teacher too.

I am really tired of all these things... Other than homework n cca, I know about your matyer and it is really tiring me out. How am I supposed to cope with so many different sources of stress at the same time, do well in my studies? I dont blame u for I know u dont know that I know already, which adds to my stress level, but I really wish that u guys could tell me soon, cos even though I already have some sort of mental preparation, nothing can be worse than the endurance.of the road to the pure hard truth.


Sigh.. Dont know how long I can put up with this facade.

SIGHS

I Don't know….

i mean i know i am always look so strong, resilient and happy every time I am out. But i don't know how long it can last…. well, it's been like that for the past 17 years and a few months. Who knows actually how I feel each time I smile or laugh off my failure? As though it's nothing and wouldn't affect me?

It does very much. But what can anyone do? They can't change my grades, they can't get me a position…. they can only feel sad for me. Then what does that leave me with? Nothing. The same as before, just more dejection and a sense of helplessness, and complaining in my heart that live is so unfair and then trying to stop doing that because life has to go on.

This sucks big time.

I really hope I get to do what I want in the future. I really hope.. and i do hope alot