Life as it is

I'm sure no one comes here now, and I'm also sure i have posted more than enough (and definitely more) spammage of my recent otaku fetish.

I like it how some readings just hit you like tidal waves, clearing everything in its path- sort of like a cleansing of our heats and our souls. Don't get me wrong, i'm not going to start some kind of preaching or anything (i despise that). But the warm and fuzzy feeling is always there, like the tinkling of wind chimes in the soft cool breeze of the night (at the height i am staying at).

What i am getting at is basically this: I recently read a blogpost about the person's real emotions about her life in an elite JC, and it struck me with that warm and fuzzy feeling. Not because it allowed me to return to the memories and friendships i had forged in my those-two-years, but because i too, can relate very well to her feelings.

There isn't any point in reiterating what she mentioned in my blog, but her post evoked some feelings in me too.

If she can see this, I want to tell her that not only does results not matter, what course you take in the future doesn't matter as well. After all, one only knows what one really wants to do from 30-40 years old. And we are only going to step out of the first quarter of our lives.

I'm waiting for spain vs france now…

okay back to topic, i'm currently going to study a course in a local uni that
1) i have never thought of taking because
2) I will have to study all three sciences all over again. Also,
3) I had never thought, and will never as well, go in to this branch of profession even after I do graduate.

Then what am I doing it for? To the mass public who asks me (if i even do get to point 3), i'll always say it's for my mother.
My dreams and passion lie in places where till now, still spark doubt and uncertainty when spoken. YES it is the arts. I want to pursue a career for music and I had all planned out roughly what I would do from JC2. I researched for all the universities with music courses that interests me and I had even done all the necessary preparations like SATS and what not.
Then my mother told me it would be better if i would get a normal degree first. As quoted, she said that having a normal degree allows you to fall back unto something even if you do not succeed in music.

Indeed, most people will agree with her. In fact, i do agree with her too. To a large extent, she made a hell lot of sense.
And as proven also, the path of a musician, no matter a performer, composer or conductor or any other, is never easy. While in a normal profession, all you need to survive is to get a good degree (like Hons or Masters- would be a bonus), start from the bottom, work your life out, expand your circle through your work, maybe bootlick the ups (not necessary) and once you get promoted, things would be smoother sailing. Sounds stressful? Wait till you hear about musicians.

For an average say… performer, first, you'll have to learn an instrument. Not just piano or violin. Everyone does that. It won't be easy to shine or just earn a living.
Nowadays, learning an instrument is not enough already. You have to learn at least 2, and master them well.
You have to be of a certain high enough standard once you reach teenage. Failure to do so would see an immediate abyss for your pursue of a music career.
While at that, you will too have to start expanding your circle, making more contacts. By the end of  teenage, if you do not have enough contacts (or rather, not enough contacts that are big and powerful and can support your quest for a musical career), you will never have any stand in the music industry. Then of course in your twenties, you start to up your image and have more contacts with the help of those you found during your teenage years.

Any cut in communication for a break of say, a year or two would render all your hard work useless.

This is how the music industry work. Why would I try to kill myself then? I can only say it all happened during this prime time. Google music quotes and you will be able to find many sayings of music. Music is life itself; music will never die. it is eternal; music is the soul blahblahblah… and it is indeed these sayings that a musician really finds. It is not about anything else. It is about the music in its own entirety.
Sounds like musicians are the slaves of music eh… but i would see it in another way, that musicians can see what music can do. And it is for this reason that I had decided this would be my path.

But the eminent threat i now face is this: Would I have the will and drive to hold on to my music line as I progress through the next 4 years of studying for a normal degree? Would I still be able to hold on to the passion?

The answer I got from some of my friends are for me to continue dreaming and take practical actions. Even if I can't touch my instrument or compose a piece, even listening to music (classical in this case) would help (considering the choice of the music career i want to take). Doing any of that would create that link that I so need to reassure myself that I am still connected to the world of music I hold so dearly to. It would be the fuel to my passion that could die out in no time. All i need is to make the effort.

I cannot really say what will happen in the future as I embark on a new phase in life, but I do hope that some day in the future, I would be sitting in a plushy chair thinking back on my life and say that I have not regretted all that had happened, for without those decisions, I would  not have gotten to where I am today.