Yet again

And then I find myself tearing away in front of the computer......
I really hate it. I hate it that it's all over and there is nothing I can do about it.

Hate it that there is nothing I can do to alleviate my soreness
Hate it that it is because of this that I feel my heartache all the time
Hate it that this thing ruined my life.

Then? Move on? I am. I did. But it isn't enough. Have I not complained to my friends? Have I not tried to suppress my feelings and try to let things go by since nothing can be altered? This really isn't something I can ever get over with...
Not with seeing all of the others getting what they want. It is of course reasonable for them to feel happy and celebrate.. and I know i am asking too much as a friend to ask them to not show it in front of me because they WONT be able to sympathise and I will always feel hurt and do my silent cries.

YES being in the comm is very important to me. YES I really want to be in. BUT SO? No matter how much of confessing now won't help. Even if I did say it then, it won't either. Because there is no such thing as democracy. In this world where everyone get things through being in good books and connections, that's just it. I was just unlucky to be that one person then. They hated me for that. What can I do? It isn't my fault that I because the one special person. But maybe if I had the foresight, things would be different.

I have learnt a lesson. If people want politically right answers and hypocrisy, I will give them what they want.