It's hard with all that stress and different things to worry about... Its hard being a parent. But its hard being a daughter too. True, tgere are things that is going on in your lives that you guys try so hard to cover in front of us by acting normal and stuff, but actually u are hurting yourself even more. But do u guys know how sad we feel having to pretend that we dont know anything and that all is well, and to act like innocent unknowing little kids in accordance to your subtle hints?
I'm really sick of standing outside the door eavesdropping on u guys, only able to hear snippets of what is happening and trying to piece
everything up tgt but hoping it is not interpreted wrongly cos it might be a big thing or a small matter.
I know recently u just got a call about me in school, and that omly just added to your whole list of worries..... And the things u say to me... Do u not know that they are only exaggerating the reality? Do u think that I dont know anything u said? Do you think that I am not already trying to cram as much as I can? You have never seen me at it. How i'd rather skip cca for tuition and how I am like the only one who keep doing work during cca, right in front of the teacher too.
I am really tired of all these things... Other than homework n cca, I know about your matyer and it is really tiring me out. How am I supposed to cope with so many different sources of stress at the same time, do well in my studies? I dont blame u for I know u dont know that I know already, which adds to my stress level, but I really wish that u guys could tell me soon, cos even though I already have some sort of mental preparation, nothing can be worse than the endurance.of the road to the pure hard truth.
Sigh.. Dont know how long I can put up with this facade.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
SIGHS
I Don't know….
i mean i know i am always look so strong, resilient and happy every time I am out. But i don't know how long it can last…. well, it's been like that for the past 17 years and a few months. Who knows actually how I feel each time I smile or laugh off my failure? As though it's nothing and wouldn't affect me?
It does very much. But what can anyone do? They can't change my grades, they can't get me a position…. they can only feel sad for me. Then what does that leave me with? Nothing. The same as before, just more dejection and a sense of helplessness, and complaining in my heart that live is so unfair and then trying to stop doing that because life has to go on.
This sucks big time.
I really hope I get to do what I want in the future. I really hope.. and i do hope alot
i mean i know i am always look so strong, resilient and happy every time I am out. But i don't know how long it can last…. well, it's been like that for the past 17 years and a few months. Who knows actually how I feel each time I smile or laugh off my failure? As though it's nothing and wouldn't affect me?
It does very much. But what can anyone do? They can't change my grades, they can't get me a position…. they can only feel sad for me. Then what does that leave me with? Nothing. The same as before, just more dejection and a sense of helplessness, and complaining in my heart that live is so unfair and then trying to stop doing that because life has to go on.
This sucks big time.
I really hope I get to do what I want in the future. I really hope.. and i do hope alot
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The unfairness of the world
Some people have to practice hard day and night to get to the standard we see on stage. Yet others are so talented they only need to go through the night before and they are ready to go on stage. The unfairness of the world….
But have those people ever wondered how these "talented" people came about? Even though they did have a bonus (being talented), they too had their hard times. They too fought for what they want. They too worked very hard day and night to get to the top. In fact, they work even harder than most people know. What people see is the final product that these people at the top worked so hard for because they want people to see the best.
Don't just dream and think that since there are so many people at the top already, you should just give up. As long as you are living, there is no such thing as no hope. Stop complaining and start working hard for what you want. Not everyone is born talented.
Then again, sometimes, it is only with chance that you can make it to the top. I had chances, and I took these opportunities, but there are times that chances will not come. This is life…. do what you can, and occasionally chance will come by you. It might take you far, but it might also bring you down.
Oh gosh, what am I saying….. like i am some wise old person. pfft who am I kidding.
Just that this world is a really unfair world. Not that I am working that hard… guess this is a post for myself then….
But have those people ever wondered how these "talented" people came about? Even though they did have a bonus (being talented), they too had their hard times. They too fought for what they want. They too worked very hard day and night to get to the top. In fact, they work even harder than most people know. What people see is the final product that these people at the top worked so hard for because they want people to see the best.
Don't just dream and think that since there are so many people at the top already, you should just give up. As long as you are living, there is no such thing as no hope. Stop complaining and start working hard for what you want. Not everyone is born talented.
Then again, sometimes, it is only with chance that you can make it to the top. I had chances, and I took these opportunities, but there are times that chances will not come. This is life…. do what you can, and occasionally chance will come by you. It might take you far, but it might also bring you down.
Oh gosh, what am I saying….. like i am some wise old person. pfft who am I kidding.
Just that this world is a really unfair world. Not that I am working that hard… guess this is a post for myself then….
Saturday, March 12, 2011
To follow and learn
I think my english is de-proving as each day passes.
Just watched a few TV dramas here and there these few days (Yes, i know it's in the middle of blocks -.-) and I suddenly had this really provoking thought.
Usually when we watch TV dramas, its either the plot is attractive, or we are just watching for the idols, or most usually, both at the same time. But how many people actually admire their idols and the plot of the story AND learn from these dramas at the same time? I know I have been giving advice to friends who wants to do better in Mandarin to watch more chinese dramas- Yes, chinese. I do watch cantonese dramas as well ( love them actually)- but things must be extracted from the dramas as well.
Such as remembering the plot (usually we all can do that) and using it for essay writing and extracting the idioms and phrases that can add marks to aural, essay and even comprehension!
For me, the most important takeaway from watching dramas is not only their usage of idioms and phrases, but also the character and personalities of the actors. Well, usually I watch dramas because of my idols, but it is the character that is the most attractive all the time. In fact, if the character wasn't attractive, I wouldn't have spotted and liked the actors. Of course we can't all be so honest/ patriotic and what not, but sometimes, it is indeed good to practice such traits. Sometimes, these personas in the dramas teach you life lessons such as living optimistically or repaying with kindness no matter what… these are really good takeaways. I do admit that I've tried for a few times to let go, forgive and forget, but I have not been able to do it. It is then that I learnt that there are things that I can forgive and forget, but there are other things that I will never forgive, at least until I forget.
Sigh, my ears are getting deaf from listening to too many dramas….
To have a vicarious experience is really a good feeling
But to feel it many times is equal to taking drugs.
It is addictive.
But people need to have some part of their minds that they can hide in in times of stress.
Just watched a few TV dramas here and there these few days (Yes, i know it's in the middle of blocks -.-) and I suddenly had this really provoking thought.
Usually when we watch TV dramas, its either the plot is attractive, or we are just watching for the idols, or most usually, both at the same time. But how many people actually admire their idols and the plot of the story AND learn from these dramas at the same time? I know I have been giving advice to friends who wants to do better in Mandarin to watch more chinese dramas- Yes, chinese. I do watch cantonese dramas as well ( love them actually)- but things must be extracted from the dramas as well.
Such as remembering the plot (usually we all can do that) and using it for essay writing and extracting the idioms and phrases that can add marks to aural, essay and even comprehension!
For me, the most important takeaway from watching dramas is not only their usage of idioms and phrases, but also the character and personalities of the actors. Well, usually I watch dramas because of my idols, but it is the character that is the most attractive all the time. In fact, if the character wasn't attractive, I wouldn't have spotted and liked the actors. Of course we can't all be so honest/ patriotic and what not, but sometimes, it is indeed good to practice such traits. Sometimes, these personas in the dramas teach you life lessons such as living optimistically or repaying with kindness no matter what… these are really good takeaways. I do admit that I've tried for a few times to let go, forgive and forget, but I have not been able to do it. It is then that I learnt that there are things that I can forgive and forget, but there are other things that I will never forgive, at least until I forget.
Sigh, my ears are getting deaf from listening to too many dramas….
To have a vicarious experience is really a good feeling
But to feel it many times is equal to taking drugs.
It is addictive.
But people need to have some part of their minds that they can hide in in times of stress.
Back to the past
It's not that I am ungrateful, but it is the circumstances that made me be this way. When people say NY or I <3 NY and stuff, there will always be this little obstinate stone forming in my heart that will not leave. Yet, looking back at all the things that happened, how can I feel "home"when I talk about NY? Many of my first times happened there, but of course, it is during the starting years of teenage, where else can it happen? My first time stopping people from committing suicide, my first time going through a cold war, my first time being misunderstood for a whole year, my first time breaking school rules……. true, there are many memories that are created there that will never escape from my memory (at least for the next few years), and friends whom will probably be part of my life in a long time to come, but it is also where I experienced the most pain and very much excruciating at that. It is where I learnt that one can only survive as the best. The weak just fall apart.
Regardless, I was just watching a TV programme that features competition between schools. Yes, NY's there. Strangely, I felt the sense of belonging…
And why does my heart stop me from doing it?
Regardless, I was just watching a TV programme that features competition between schools. Yes, NY's there. Strangely, I felt the sense of belonging…
And why does my heart stop me from doing it?
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This whole week
My life as summarized:
Daily routine:
12-2pm: wake up and take lunch
2-6 pm: do miscellanous stuff like watch drama and settle my daily needs.
7- 11pm: ge practice
11 til the time I sleep: watch drama and play my iPod.
Great life eh...
Daily routine:
12-2pm: wake up and take lunch
2-6 pm: do miscellanous stuff like watch drama and settle my daily needs.
7- 11pm: ge practice
11 til the time I sleep: watch drama and play my iPod.
Great life eh...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Tonight
Tonight, two hearts were broken.
Time is never an understandable measurement. It can never be grasp, and it will never be caught. No one can ever tell when the right time has come, or when that golden period has left. Time is like air. It is intangible, it follows you wherever you go. But without it, you will never exist. That small miss in time broke the heart of love. That heart has been broken before. It had been stitched back needle by needle, thread by thread before. But wounds are forever wounds. It may have seemed healed, but it is never the same. But this time, God is there to cover the hole in that heart. That heart knows what is coming. It is anticipating. It has successfully manipulated time.
Tonight, the other heart that was broken was the heart that shows you what you truly want and what you truly are. The heart that never lies. The heart of dreams. The heart that lies subconsciously in your subconscious, supporting you quietly. It is a heart that breaks without telling until you feel it. It is the heart that breaks without pain; the heart that breaks without physically emotional pain.
Tonight, two hearts were broken. But none was hurt.
Time is never an understandable measurement. It can never be grasp, and it will never be caught. No one can ever tell when the right time has come, or when that golden period has left. Time is like air. It is intangible, it follows you wherever you go. But without it, you will never exist. That small miss in time broke the heart of love. That heart has been broken before. It had been stitched back needle by needle, thread by thread before. But wounds are forever wounds. It may have seemed healed, but it is never the same. But this time, God is there to cover the hole in that heart. That heart knows what is coming. It is anticipating. It has successfully manipulated time.
Tonight, the other heart that was broken was the heart that shows you what you truly want and what you truly are. The heart that never lies. The heart of dreams. The heart that lies subconsciously in your subconscious, supporting you quietly. It is a heart that breaks without telling until you feel it. It is the heart that breaks without pain; the heart that breaks without physically emotional pain.
Tonight, two hearts were broken. But none was hurt.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
End of the world?
Sigh... sometimes being a big shot is worth it after all...
True, people say these are just entertainment and have not much value. Yea, entertainment. Ultimately these stars are providing us with service. The lowest at that. But then why do we pay so much for the,? Is it not true that they easily earn millions? Not that i am being materialistic, but money does get life going to a large extend. There is of course no need for such frivolous means, but then again, this is a lowly entertainment. They don't need to have brains to be there. All they need is the looks.
When i was young, my mum always said that i must study hard and get a degree, then my life will be safe and secure. But what is the use of having such a big brain stuffed with chimology when the no brainers get the catch? Everyone says having a god qualification will earn you your way to bliss. But the bare truth is always the opposite.
To each with their own talents.
True, people say these are just entertainment and have not much value. Yea, entertainment. Ultimately these stars are providing us with service. The lowest at that. But then why do we pay so much for the,? Is it not true that they easily earn millions? Not that i am being materialistic, but money does get life going to a large extend. There is of course no need for such frivolous means, but then again, this is a lowly entertainment. They don't need to have brains to be there. All they need is the looks.
When i was young, my mum always said that i must study hard and get a degree, then my life will be safe and secure. But what is the use of having such a big brain stuffed with chimology when the no brainers get the catch? Everyone says having a god qualification will earn you your way to bliss. But the bare truth is always the opposite.
To each with their own talents.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
HEHE
To that special someone far far away, happy belated birthday! hope you had fun yesterday
These few days been real cool, but life's gonna get busy again.
Gosh... i have really nothing to post......
These few days been real cool, but life's gonna get busy again.
Gosh... i have really nothing to post......
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Boredom
It is always at times like this that gets me wondering whether I had friends or not. It's not like I don't but how bout those who truly knows me? Those that I can call on during such times of boredom? I know everyone will say like oh, it's good to have many friends, but just have a couple of close ones will do.. Them is over our two really enough? not that I am greedy, but when these couple of friends have they own things to be busy with, you are then left alone at home watching senseless dramas after dramas, sleeping after eating..how much fun can life get?
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