We are still together

gives a long sigh..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

and things are now clear and explained and understood. Let it out if you must, let out all the pain. Of course you'll feel the pain, and hiding it is not a good solution at all. Please believe me on this... i'd have too much experience, yet doing it over and over again.

I knew the moment I told you, I'd regret it.

Not because you should not know.
but the pain i can't bring myself to inflict upon you...
I know you'll get hurt, and still act as though nothing has happened. Silly... cry, cry out for as long and as much as you want to... dont stuff everything in you tiny little porcelain heart... it's going to be more unbearable, and more untolerable... it is going to be a torture to yourself, a self suffering process.... Just cry. Let everything out.

I was never a crier. Even when things go emotionally wrong... because I have always believed that no matter what, I must always be happy, face anything positively, and hide the ugly side of me.
So every single thing that hurts me was stuffed, slowly, one by one, into my heart. And eventually, some became numbed and forgotten, some stayed on like a knife in the waist.
Gradually, it became really full, and exploding. Yet i continued stuffing, telling myself that i'm stronger than before, and i can handle. I'm a strong person.
And the heart just burst.
I didn't know... the feeling was really bad, especially in the midst of accepting and exploring a new emotion. It ruined everything. On the day i was supposed to go for my 1st CIP at renci, i sat at the void deck of some unknown block somewhere in toa payoh, i cried. Cried out all the unjust and everything that has happened to me, cried out all the unhappiness, cried out all the mixed emotions... ... ... ... for 2 whole hour, i just sat there and cried.
And I left to meet my brother for a cheering up session.

Don't care if you'll feel silly after that. I knew i would, I did feel silly, but i still cried. It really helps. And trust me just this once.

_________________________________________________________________

Today was a fun day!! After HMP, we had an indian music workshop, and voila! those ppl were the same ones i saw a few times in performances at CCs and functions!

AND the most surprising thing is that they're actually quite closely related to me in some way! hahaha
1stly, Mr Tan, (i'll address as daddy) is denise mum's brother!! aha, the world is small. So that means krsna (sita player) n govin 9dunno the spelling, but the tabla player) are denise's cousins! haha so cool! Ah haha, denise's family is a musical family!
Denise= chinese
Krsna= indian
Dexter (violin dude, cousin of krsna)= western
ahaha, so COOL (:

2ndly, daddy used to learn form mrs ee's dad (pipa i think) and they were friends since young! WHOO , double cool.

This once again proves that the world is soooo small, esp after the wei lao shi n julian's uncle thing. And that julian's friend is jinglong and er... some others, who are also wei laos shi's student, blah blah blah!

THE WORLD IS SO SMALL