And a new life begins

It's been quite a while since I'd have blogged. The truth is, I have been BUSY the past few weeks.. especially the last week.

Last week marks the transition of my life. Another turning point, as I embark on a new journey of education… although it wasn't much of a start since i was busy with something else as well.

Last Saturday and Sunday (18th and 19th Aug) was the production of a world-premiere opera. It was a production that spanned for (unofficially 8 years) officially 2 years or so. But where it concerns me, I was only called in about a month ago.

I remember when I saw two missed calls by the same person about a month ago, and a text accompanying it telling me DA told her to contact me. My initial response was shocked. Why would an opera need someone like me? To play piano? Percussion? Can't possibly be yangqin right? When did western opera included yangqin? AND WHY did darrell have my contact number to get someone to contact me for him?!!!

So i called back and got to know about the production of this opera, that was going to be conducted by darrell and would have chinese elements in it and thus the need for chinese instruments. So I was given this opportunity, which I then figured out that it must have been a friend of mine who gave him the number.

To cut the long story short, I did play the yangqin for the opera and my oh my, i required 2 yangqins! Just because the composer thought yangqin was like a piano.. I had to play in D and Dflat keys. How is that even possible on a yangqin.. so I decided to use two, with one yangqin tuned one semitone down. Makes life 1000000 times easier, considering I only had 1 month to master the parts. The composer was fine with some amendments I'd have made as well, so all's good.

*Plot twist added on 14/01/2017: Turns out the lead oboist in this opera was my classmate in Uni! I suspected something when I saw the very same scores he was holding in his hand in the first week of school... kekekeke and now he's my Teddy <3 nbsp="" p="">

To the person whom I try not to face

Seems like it's been a whole year and more from the last time I touched this blog.
Seems like this post is dedicated to pouring out my feelings once again.
Seems like problems are always recurring.

I really don't know how to face you.

I know you never liked me as much
I know its just because of our relationship that there's this ounce of care that you're even showing
But guess what.
Me too.

Ever since that incident, I have stopped treating you like a loved one.
You're but a means to an end. If being nice to you guaranteed a life that can go on, I will do it with a cold heart.

I've thought of the finale so many times in my head. When I am standing by your deathbed, talking to you one last time.

Will I let all the things buried deep in me out?
Or will I let you die a peaceful death?

Now that you're not any means to anyone's end, I don't give a damn anymore.
Do you ever realise that it's always when you're around that we are always unhappy? Oh wait, you don't. You can't see how peacefully happy we are without you because you're not around.
Do you ever realise that you're the one who's making everyone unhappy? Giving everyone extra worries?
You're not indispensable. Anything that requires technical help can be gotten through a phone call. You're the sickness. The disease that spreads anger and depression to the people you pass by. Go back to your world. We were living life so peacefully and happily until you came back.

I can't wait for the day I am free of your plague. That day will come soon. Teddy come get me out of this mess

To the NTU SCBE OCIP TAB 2015 leader

I guess this is the best place I can pour my feelings out after tossing around in bed for the past 2 hours thinking of this matter. Maybe I had a tad too much tea earlier on.

Well, this is a letter to a person that I hope to be able to salvage whatever little friendship we have left after two weeks of OCIP (overseas community involvement programme- which is a programme that requires volunteers to travel to rural and poorer communities in the lesser countries to do service learning).

I don't think this letter will reach your eyes, but I felt that after the heated talk we had on one of the days, I had not brought across the point I wanted to say because there and then, we were both very high on our defence and would just not take in whatever the other is saying. If this letter ever reaches your eyes, I hope it is with a cool and rational head that you are reading this.

The main thing is that I felt that the whole negativity that was churned out during the two weeks was really unnecessary. Has it ever occurred to you that the feelings that you felt were only felt by you, yourself and the people you bitched to? Has it ever occurred to you that the change in team dynamics was only based on you, yourself and the 3 other people whom you bitched to/with? Did you notice that ever since you had that talk with Teddy and the rest of the main comm, some of them actually became nicer towards us?

I don't know if you still stand by the meagre supporting evidence that you quote, for my putting in too little effort in doing service learning. If you were thinking from a third person's point of view, do these evidence not spell L-A-M-E to you?

What I am trying to say is, as a leader, when faced with nagging problems, you should be analysing the problems and addressing it. Not hiding away from it and base your judgement on baseless stories. I am not saying that you cannot judge. We are all humans. There is no one who will not judge. Judging is ok. But concluding a judgement is another issue. Before passing a judgement, as a leader, should you not listen to both sides of the story before concluding on a judgement? Instead of listening to only one side of the story, and basing your views on that, should a leader not face it with a rational mind and assess the story? Or even bother to find out the full story before concluding? If the problem is causing you to feel negative, should you not, as a leader, address the problem instead of ignoring it and allowing the negativity to grow on you? Addressing a problem is not confronting the problem. It does not necessarily need to turn nasty. Why make the whole process unbearable for so many people? Being a leader is not just about giving everyone equal opportunities to do things, or in this case, do service learning. Being a leader also means you are the one who face the shit. When you sense something is wrong, you are the one who solve it quickly and quietly so that it does not affect the rest of the team. You are the mediator. You are the one who is supposed to pick anyone left behind. You are the one who is supposed to encourage everyone to continue on. Running away does not solve anything. It only worsens the situation because you start to involve more people by spreading the negativity and this in turn causes the change in team dynamics.

This leads me to another point. You told me what service learning was and I asked you if you thought that everyone in the team could learn an equal amount. Without thinking, you answered yes. Is this how a leader should react? In fact, is this how anyone should react? What happened was you were trying to defend yourself at that point. Your answer was said without going through proper thought just because you wanted to oppose me. For the sake of standing your ground. Is this what a leader should do? A leader should be willing to take in any criticisms and reflect on them so that one can become a better person and a better leader. Of course you may argue that some comments could be hurtful or rubbish-ly negative. Then it is your job to sieve out constructive comments- which are just called criticisms btw, incase you do not comprehend the english language well enough- and act on them. Hurtful criticisms are hurtful because they strike a hard truth. And it hurts because you don't want to face them.

Back to the point, if you ask yourself truthfully now, is it possible that everyone in the team learns the same amount in this trip, your answer should be a no. If it is a yes, I don't think there is any point in reading on. Learning is subjective. It is not quantifiable. Ask yourself truthfully, did you think that KK learnt as much as Ling did? How do you quantify learning equal amount? Do you think that everything thing that they learnt or took back with them is exactly the same? If you would, ask anyone around you if they believe that two unrelated people can learn exactly the same amount of things after going through the same experience. I can assure you, the answer that they will give you is a 100% no. Except of course if the person was you. Did you know how silly you sounded when you answered yes? Did you really think that your co-chair thought the same way as you did? Did you know how many people laughed when I asked them the question and told them someone actually said yes? Well, I can tell you the answer to the last question. Everyone laughed. Well, I meant everyone I asked during the trip. The team members laughed.

You are probably boiling mad at this point. You might be thinking, who am I to give you advice such as these. Or it could be hurtful comments to you. What I am trying to say is, I am being objective here. I am not trying to shoot you down. Because if that is what I am doing, then I would be saying things like: You are so anal. You cannot be a leader.

You said too, that you only saw improvements after you talked to Teddy. But that is because you assumed that he told me everything right after you talked to him. But did you know when he told me all these things? It was on the morning of the day we talked. Those improvements that you saw was a result of seeing what you want to see. The point is, your judgement had been so clouded that it caused you to feel sore and everything. And it was only after the release (the talk with Teddy), that you started to feel better. For letting everything out. And then you saw what you were searching for. A sign that your talked had changed things. But that also meant that before the talk, you only wanted to see where I had done not enough or where I had done wrong. By clouding your vision to focusing only on the wrong that I had seemingly done, however small and insignificant, you had encouraged the negativity in yourself. I mentioned to you before, how I know of people who disappear when they were told to clean the toilets, of people who interacted less with the kids, of people who use equally little of the native language to communicate with the kids, and of people who did the least work in construction. I also know the people who went out at midnight without telling you during RnR in pairs. But all you could see was what I had done wrong. All you were focusing on was making sure Teddy and I do not leave the group during RnR. You assumed that no one else would do that. Picking the nitty gritty of my actions had enlarged the mistakes I had made. You said that my lack of effort was the most obvious. Not because it really was. But because you had magnified it by focusing so much on it. You choose to believe what you wanted to believe.

I know you might argue that people have different personality and characteristics. It is second nature to you to want to avoid confrontations and nasty things. But as you take on the role of a leader, all these should change. I am not saying that these traits should disappear in one night. I am saying that being a leader exposes you to your fears and it is your job to face them and learn to counter them. If you are afraid of confrontations, then what should you do as a leader if you had to face them? Run away? Keep them all in and turn them into negative feelings, bitch to people around you and make them feel negative as well? You should be thinking that this is an opportunity for you to face this fear and help you improve as a person. Look at it not as a confrontation, but as a rational person handling a case. Addressing and solving a problem. At the end of the day, you know if you had tried your best and the other side does not reciprocate, it is not your fault. You have not failed. Instead of fearing confrontations, you can try to turn confrontations into a more positive form. Do not let people affect or cloud your judgement. You know you are capable of rational judgements. Do not let emotions get the better of you. As a leader, if you find yourself falling into the traps of your emotions, you should know that and prevent it from happening. Always approach matters with a clear cool head. If you cannot do that, seek help from anyone. It could be the co-chair, it could be your best friend in the team. Ask for advice. Ultimately, you and I know we just want to do this project with a happy heart. No one wants to be scarred mentally or emotionally.

If you had been reading faithfully all the way, I really appreciate your patience and thank you so much for taking time off to read this. If by now you are really boiling mad, then I thank you once again for taking time off to read this and good luck with your future endeavours. I only just hope that perhaps one day when you are faced with similar problems, you can think back to this letter and hopefully some of the things I had said can help you tide over the tumultuous time.

If you are feeling hurt but you understand where I am coming from, I hope that you can give me a hint. Call or text or email me. I am not asking for an apology because you are not entirely at fault. I also admit that there are some things that I had done wrong too. I am only asking for the smallest chance that we could be friends again. Because one can never make too many friends. Well, if you do not see the need to be friends, then I just hope that there are no hard feelings after this. Everyone make mistakes. It is just whether you have the courage to admit to them and change to become better.

Regards,
Me

Life as it is

I'm sure no one comes here now, and I'm also sure i have posted more than enough (and definitely more) spammage of my recent otaku fetish.

I like it how some readings just hit you like tidal waves, clearing everything in its path- sort of like a cleansing of our heats and our souls. Don't get me wrong, i'm not going to start some kind of preaching or anything (i despise that). But the warm and fuzzy feeling is always there, like the tinkling of wind chimes in the soft cool breeze of the night (at the height i am staying at).

What i am getting at is basically this: I recently read a blogpost about the person's real emotions about her life in an elite JC, and it struck me with that warm and fuzzy feeling. Not because it allowed me to return to the memories and friendships i had forged in my those-two-years, but because i too, can relate very well to her feelings.

There isn't any point in reiterating what she mentioned in my blog, but her post evoked some feelings in me too.

If she can see this, I want to tell her that not only does results not matter, what course you take in the future doesn't matter as well. After all, one only knows what one really wants to do from 30-40 years old. And we are only going to step out of the first quarter of our lives.

I'm waiting for spain vs france now…

okay back to topic, i'm currently going to study a course in a local uni that
1) i have never thought of taking because
2) I will have to study all three sciences all over again. Also,
3) I had never thought, and will never as well, go in to this branch of profession even after I do graduate.

Then what am I doing it for? To the mass public who asks me (if i even do get to point 3), i'll always say it's for my mother.
My dreams and passion lie in places where till now, still spark doubt and uncertainty when spoken. YES it is the arts. I want to pursue a career for music and I had all planned out roughly what I would do from JC2. I researched for all the universities with music courses that interests me and I had even done all the necessary preparations like SATS and what not.
Then my mother told me it would be better if i would get a normal degree first. As quoted, she said that having a normal degree allows you to fall back unto something even if you do not succeed in music.

Indeed, most people will agree with her. In fact, i do agree with her too. To a large extent, she made a hell lot of sense.
And as proven also, the path of a musician, no matter a performer, composer or conductor or any other, is never easy. While in a normal profession, all you need to survive is to get a good degree (like Hons or Masters- would be a bonus), start from the bottom, work your life out, expand your circle through your work, maybe bootlick the ups (not necessary) and once you get promoted, things would be smoother sailing. Sounds stressful? Wait till you hear about musicians.

For an average say… performer, first, you'll have to learn an instrument. Not just piano or violin. Everyone does that. It won't be easy to shine or just earn a living.
Nowadays, learning an instrument is not enough already. You have to learn at least 2, and master them well.
You have to be of a certain high enough standard once you reach teenage. Failure to do so would see an immediate abyss for your pursue of a music career.
While at that, you will too have to start expanding your circle, making more contacts. By the end of  teenage, if you do not have enough contacts (or rather, not enough contacts that are big and powerful and can support your quest for a musical career), you will never have any stand in the music industry. Then of course in your twenties, you start to up your image and have more contacts with the help of those you found during your teenage years.

Any cut in communication for a break of say, a year or two would render all your hard work useless.

This is how the music industry work. Why would I try to kill myself then? I can only say it all happened during this prime time. Google music quotes and you will be able to find many sayings of music. Music is life itself; music will never die. it is eternal; music is the soul blahblahblah… and it is indeed these sayings that a musician really finds. It is not about anything else. It is about the music in its own entirety.
Sounds like musicians are the slaves of music eh… but i would see it in another way, that musicians can see what music can do. And it is for this reason that I had decided this would be my path.

But the eminent threat i now face is this: Would I have the will and drive to hold on to my music line as I progress through the next 4 years of studying for a normal degree? Would I still be able to hold on to the passion?

The answer I got from some of my friends are for me to continue dreaming and take practical actions. Even if I can't touch my instrument or compose a piece, even listening to music (classical in this case) would help (considering the choice of the music career i want to take). Doing any of that would create that link that I so need to reassure myself that I am still connected to the world of music I hold so dearly to. It would be the fuel to my passion that could die out in no time. All i need is to make the effort.

I cannot really say what will happen in the future as I embark on a new phase in life, but I do hope that some day in the future, I would be sitting in a plushy chair thinking back on my life and say that I have not regretted all that had happened, for without those decisions, I would  not have gotten to where I am today.

HOHOHO i know i just posted a blog post about new anime and manga that i am recently watching or have watched. Now, it's time for MORE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

1st: Shugo Chara

It is an anime for slightly younger audience than me, since it revolves around kids of 12- 16 years. The elementary school (mainly) to middle school age. It is a story of how children all have eggs in their heart and if despised or doubted, will result in the transformation of these good eggs to bad eggs. In fact, these eggs represent the dreams of the little children and these dreams will be erased as they grow up. In this story, these people in the picture go around cleansing the bad eggs and keeping the dreams of children. In totality, it is a show to tell children to not give up their dreams. The picture shows most of all the main characters.

The female protagonist is the girl in pink (full body shown) called Amu. She is the one who goes around cleansing the bad eggs (X eggs, as in the show) along with the help of the other kids, Tadase, Kukai, Yaya and Nadeshiko. In the story, she has a crush on Tadase even before he knew her. However, she subconsciously fell in love with the story's semi- antagonist, Ikuto, as he keeps appearing in her daily life.

The male semi-antagonist- protagonist is Ikuto, the guy with blue hair and cat ears and is surprisingly good looking. He works for the antagonist of the story, the Easter Company. The company keeps harvesting X eggs to bring out the Embryo, a special egg that grants the person any wish. However, Ikuto didn't want to work for Easter and keeps trying to get away. Unfortunately, he can never get away as he was the stepson of the company's director. His disobedience caused him to be forcefully controlled by the company to do "evil".
He's a typical mysterious kind of guy in any anime which make ppl get head-over-heels with, the guy who does things alone and knows everything. His interruption into Amu's life like suddenly appearing on her bed sleeping and sharing bed with her caused her to inadvertently fall in love with him, although it took her loooong to realise that.

All in all, not a bad anime just looking at ikuto alone :D

2nd: Kaichou wa Maid Sama

This is a relatively new anime/manga that only came out in 2010. It is about a girl who is all fierce and demoness in school, but actually works as a maid waitress in a cafe after school as her part time job to pay off family debts.

The female lead, the girl in the picture (full body), Ayuzawa Misaki, is the first female to become student council pres in her male-dominated school. She works in a maid cafe as it has high pay so she can quickly pay off the family debt her father left them with (and ran away). Because of her dad's running away, she grew a hatred for all men. Through the course of the story, she met the male lead (which i will intro later) who taught her that not all men are bad and she slowly stopped hating men, and found her true love- only to be deterred again when she found out he was from a rich family despite going to a poor school. Furthermore, people of the rich world keep trying to break them apart. BUT I BELIEVE THEY WILL STAND STRONG˜

The male lead, the only guy in the picture, is called Usui Takumi. In the picture he wears glasses, but he usually doesn't wear them outside. He only wears them at home, and he looks CUTE ~~~ in glasses :D :D:D. He is the illegitimate son of his rich mother and some poor japanese. However, he is still related to the rich and powerful family whose base is in UK, and he is still restricted by the limitations of rich people. His love (rather straightforwardly) for Misaki started when he found out about her maid job.

Basically, this story is the typical story of how the rich and the poor can never be together and how the two "star-crossed" lovers overcome it.

This is still an ongoing manga, and I hope it will have a good ending.

So a BIG summary for now as to the manga/ anime i have seen (ranked by the numbers):

1) ONE PIECE (ongoing)
2) FAIRY TAIL (ongoing)
2) DETECTIVE CONAN (ongoing)
3) CHOU SHINRI GENSHOU NOURYOKUSHA NANAKI (complete- manga only)- it's the first ever japanese manga i read. the chinese goes: 超心理現象能力者 
4) PRINCE OF TENNIS (manga ongoing)
5) KAICHOU WA MAID SAMA (manga ongoing)
6) SHUGO CHARA (complete)
7) VAMPIRE KNIGHT (ongoing- i used to like it very very much before the others came about)
8) PHI BRAIN (ongoing)
9) DETECTIVE LOKI (complete)

Yes, there are two 2nd position cos i can't decide which one is better. AND yup, this is basically all so far.

Sore de, Jya na!

It's been SOOOOO long since i last came to my blog, the whole setting's changed already! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Oh well, give me such a looooong holiday and it's what i become. Been doing loads of stuff lately, going shopping in town, going shopping overseas :D heh heh… learning driving, being a teacher, getting consumed by syf, performing again heeheehee.
They are all enjoyable and I had almost totally enjoyed my holidays so far.. but the most enjoyable i'd say is still watching anime! HEEHEEHEE

After a watch-anime hiatus, i'd had began to watch anime again! heehee of course to continue one piece and detective conan AND of course, to start on new anime :D :D :D :D :D

This time i'd started a few more anime.. and my my, they are good too!

1st: FAIRY TAIL

There, a rough picture of the members of Fairy tail, a mage guild.

A little introduction to Fairy Tail, Fairy tail is the name of a (in)famous mage guild, and it tells of the story of the guild members as they continue to meet new quests and stronger opponents, improving their skills for er.. some kind of objective in the end.

The members are namely

- Natsu Dragoneel, the male protagonist in this series, who is a dragon slayer (trained by a fire dragon) and has character somewhat similar to Luffy in One Piece.

- Lucy Heartfilia, the female protagonist, who came from a rich family and shuns it (but the family ended up broke somewhere in the middle), is a stellar mage. She calls on celestial spirits and treats them as NAKAMAs, thus all the spirits under her are loved and love her. She still thinks she isn't as strong, but she totally will become the best stellar mage in the world (not that there are many (and keys) to start with)

-Gray Fullbuster, an ice mage, is the male protagonist secondo. He is a little cold (like not literally heh heh) and a little slow. Somewhat like a Zoro. 

- Erza Scarlet, the most powerful so far out of the four. Together with the three above, they make a team in Fairy Tail.

As of now, Fairy Tail is still in its baby stage, but it is exciting enough, the adventures are not disappointing AND it has cute and hot guys too :D :D :D So i recommend it (after one piece of course)

2nd: Phi Brain

It's quite a new anime. (Not from manga btw)

Phi brain is really a new anime that is out only this year (i think). It features a guy called Daimon Kaito, who is damn good at solving puzzles. He is a genius and along with his other genius friends, Cubic, Gyammon, Ana Gram, Jikugawa, as well as his childhood friend, Nonoha, they solve puzzles with murderous intent. They have just finished their ordeal with POG, some kind of puzzle organisation and has met with a new and worse organisation, the Order of Orpheus. It is not too bad an anime to watch, but it is not as exciting and breathtaking as OP or FT. What i like is the different types of puzzles that the writers come up with in each episode. I look forward to the day they run out of puzzles.. though it is highly impossible.

3rd: Detective Loki (Ragnarok)

This is basically the main cast, but the main guy, Loki is the little boy at the side with a white sleeping thing on his head.

I actually read the manga long long ago. It was just that my sister was clearing her area that I saw this again and I decided to watch the anime. It's about Loki, a trickster god who is transformed into a little boy and exiled into the human world by the antagonist, odin. When it was time to go back to the world of gods (where loki will fight odin and become the new king of gods), he realised he couldn't let go of the human girl, Mayura, and decided to stay on in the human world. It's quite a cute short series, but LOKI LOOKS CUTE IN HIS NORMAL FORM ~~~ kawaiiiii! heeheehee

4th: Prince of Tennis

A story centering around a 12-yr-old boy called Echizen Ryoma, a tennis prodigy, and his fellow high schoolers teammates in the pursuit of national championship in tennis. I've only just started, but as the title suggests, it's basically all about tennis and there won't be any deviation away from tennis.  So the excitement comes from looking at the cute senpais and of course Ryoma, though the story is not too bad too. :D:D:D:D:D:D

Makes me sound like some guy-hungry person lol lol lol… but I totally agree with what my friend said, that she'd only marry manga guys :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That's all for now! JYA NA!

Aimless

Hehehe after breaking for about a month already, it's really time for me to get started on a job soon… but rlly, it isn't easy trying to find a job that pays well enough and that it's something I might enjoy. But anyway, to pass my time, I had been watching a few erm shows, and let me now conclude on these shows, which I have yet to finish.

Dai ichi ( can tell from my sudden change in language that it's something japanese right)

ONE PIECE

This includes the whole Mugiwara gang and a few more allies :D

Yes, ONE PIECE, my newfound favourite anime! It tells of the adventures of a gang of pirates in a world during the age of pirates as they sailed in the seas to find the ultimate treasure, ONE PIECE. This gang of pirates, which the whole world calls them the Mugiwaras (Straw Hats) consists of

- a very likable, overly hyperactive, hungry and cute, but at the same time full of justice and luck captain, Monkey D. Luffy (OMG SOOOOO KAWAII). He is a gomu ningen (rubber man) as he ate the gomu gomu devil's fruit, and had since gained extreme strength and out-of-the-world rubber abilities, which he used to fight off his enemies.

- The oh-so-cool vice-captain, Roronoa Zoro who (YES HE IS DAMN HANDSOME ESP WHEN HE TIES HIS BANDANA AROUND HIS HEAD) specializes in the santoryuu technique (three sword fighting style). His strength is extraordinary for a non devil fruit user and is always protecting his nakama as he is the strongest after Luffy.

-The money minded Nami, who is the crew's navigator (and supposedly the world's best). Her navigator instincts has helped her to save her nakama from the deadly sea on many occasions.

- Usopp, the best liar in the world, but better known as the best sharp shooter. He almost never misses a target and has created an alter ego name for himself, Sogeking. He is always having fun eating and joking around with Luffy.

- Black Leg Sanji, known for using the black leg style of fighting, is the crew's cook- and also the best cook in the world. His long term dream is to find All Blue, but all he dreams everyday is to court girls. He is the cutest and the most hilarious when his eyes suddenly turn into heart shapes and calling out Nami- swaaaan or Robin-chwaaaan in a lovey dovey way :D heeheehee

-Tony Tony Chopper, a reindeer who ate a hito hito devil fruit and had human abilities. OMG HE IS DAMN CUTE and he openly- secretly loves it when he receives praises, although he always says it would not make him happy while blushing at the same time. He is the crew's doctor- and yet again, a very good one as well.

- Nico Robin, another devil fruit user who ate the Hana hana devil fruit, allowing her to grow body parts anywhere she can see. She had a dark past and knew that it would endanger her nakamas, but her nakamas proved her wrong and made her want to live on.

- Cyborg Franky, originally called Cutty Flam, is the crew's shipwright. He built the marvelous Thousand Sunny in which the crew was riding in until they were parted just before entering the new world. He'd probably become the world's best shipwright as well :D

- Dead Bones Brook, a musician who died but ate the yomi yomi devil fruit which allowed him to be revived, only to find that his body had become all bones. He can play any instruments, but major in violin and piano. Also, he specializes in using music to affect enemies as well as being a swordsman, ittoryuu of course, unlike Zoro.

There, a little introduction to the crew of the Mugiwaras. And needless to say, my favourite is luffy :D followed by Zoro :D but the best is still the adventures that they encountered while sailing from east blue to the grand line.

Though many ppl say it's a guys book, I thoroughly enjoyed the story, and it had brought me days of laughters to no ending :D

ONE PIECE FTW

Dai ni

Detective Conan

[insert picture here]

haha… lazy go find. But really, I heard of Conan since i was really young, and I already wanted to watch it since then, but i always had no time and by the time i knew how to watch it online, I totally forgot about it and had no interest anymore… until the holidays came of course.

Edogawa Conan, or rather, Kudo Shinichi, is a 17-year-old high school detective who, due to his carelessness, was forced to eat a poison that shrank his body into a 7-year-old little boy. He then derived his name from two authors, Edogawa Rampo and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in which the second arthur wrote his favourite fictional character, Sherlock Holmes (which happens to be one of my favourite fictional detectives too :D ). While trying to find and eventually demolish the organization who caused his shrinking, he solves many cases, and also tried to maintain his relationship with his childhood friend (and eventually girlfriend in recent episodes when he confessed to her) Mouri Ran.

Between Conan and Shinichi, I see them as one, but i like conan more :D SOOOOO KAWAII!!!!!!!!! * squeezes his imaginary cheek* of course, when shinichi appears, I am delighted too! But seriously, i think the cartoonist should have done him more justice by drawing him more er… handsomely as compared to Hattori Heji, Shinichi's best friend who knows his secret as well, and is also a high school detective.

There… these two animes are enough to occupy me for half of december until now :D

until the next time then :D

There again

maybe i really am not good enough i guess…

always like that… thinking i'd be able to, but obviously i wish too much.

Goodness knows what i'm doing with my life.

TO SJ

Hello! didn't think you'd come see my blog!

Anyway, we'll surely go drink drink ˆˆ one day :D And i'm okay now.. anyway, some things are already set in stone and we can't do anything about them already, can we?

So all I can do is look forward and focus on those things not set in stone yet and make the most out of it. Ganbarimashou! hahaha

JYJY for the next few weeks!

OOOHHH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMURA TAKUYA~<3 <3 <3

Yes, it's 1.09 am in the morning and I am still studying chem… or not. Anyway, to kimura-san, please stay happy and bring smiles to all your fans and may your family be happy always.

A little gift from me

There you go. Just a few of my favourite pictures. Anyway, time for me to sleep before I fall sick. Nights.

Formal introductions

It all started with an advertisment.

Yes, Gatsby. Well the first time i saw the ad, I was like, 'what a retarded commercial.' Then I saw his hot bod and his to die for face. Well, I can't say that I wasn't awed for a while, but back then, I was really not into Japanese culture and pop media. And so plus that weird gatsby ad, I didn't really give him another look. I think I almost didn't like him then.

Then it was Howl's Moving Castle. Of course, as anyone can see from my previous posts, I am so in love with this movie by Miyazaki, esp Howl. He is no doubt the most charismatic male lead ever drawn by Miyazaki. And of course, the most perfect character must be voiced by the most perfect man ever in Japan of course. Not that he is like entirely perfect. He is a human and surely make mistakes too, but the fact that he helped japan's economy to grow by injecting an additional 152 billion yen in one year into the GDP (like crazy trends n such) just only proves that he is THE man.

So of course, curious about the man who voiced my favourite anime character, I looked up on him and the first thing i did was to smack myself on the head. Can't believe I actually missed how many years by ignoring him the first time i saw him. Then after watching some of his shows, I come to a conclusion that he is the best actor (asia of course) that I've ever seen. Really. Kudos to him.

And yes, that is him last year when he was 38. Seems so timeless right...

Kimura Takuya FTW.

So near already

Yea, it's coming. I smell it. But anyway, just to introduce another marvelous person I'd get to know a little in this week... ... ... Takuya Kimura!

Isn't he just hot any nice in every angle? :D <3<3<3 And the best part is that he is a damn good actor! Though he is a little old already, and it's not that I only just knew his existence- i mean like who doesn't know the Gatsby ad guy right... BUT he is probably the best actor I have ever seen in asia!

Anyway, since i should be concentrating on other things, i shall end off now. Kimutaku FTW!!

AWWW

HEHEHE i'm finally of age :D And now, since i'm really bored and i don't feel like doing work yet, i shall now try to remember how I celebrated all my birthday... or at least those that I can remember... ... ...

SO obviously my memory only started when I was like 3? That was the first birthday I ever celebrated in school and my mum made sure everyone knows it. On that very day, she just appeared at my kindergarten with a big 1 kg cake and many little presents to share around with the class! Of course, and then every one else wanted the same, SO we all get to eat cakes along the year ever so often :D

I remember when I was 7, new school new environment and all, my mum still brought a big 1 kg cake to school and of course, small door gifts kinda thing, but i was like the only one who did that and really, i was so proud of it. Then after 8 years old, it kinda stopped since i was getting older and my friends are starting to have parties at home on their birthdays.

Let us zoom forward then, to when I was 13, and on my birthday, my bestest friend ever (and still is˜) together with another friend bought me a ginormous strawberry slipper (yea one side) soft toy! and made me wear that on my head walking around class... XD

Fast forwarding again, it was in october, i think it was 3 years back, and we were celebrating one of my 10 brother's birthday... I was the organizer and the gang was supposed to be headed for esplanade to watch stomp (Yea, i helped them get the tickets but i couldn't go cos of exams), SO we went for dinner tgt first. SO we went in to the restaurant and ate and got ready the cake, AND THEN! hahahahaha there were TWO cakes! I was so shocked! Like wasn't I the organizer of this surprise birthday? hahahahaha yea, my 4th brother decided to celebrate my birthday too XD how sweet :D That was really funny cos my 7th brother thought we were celebrating my birthday AND I thought we were celebrating HIS birthday :O So we were both shocked :O Awwww :D love them to bits.

Well, two years back, my birthday fell on the first day of our exams, so yea, nothing much, but in december, I had a performance and after that, all my friends surprised me with like cakes and presents. There was this present made by my other bestest friend, a book rather, of peoples messages and whatnots, and i realised she made it before school holidays started! AWWWW But anyway, it was so sweet cos i was one of the organizer for that performance too (like in charge of programme and food for the little children performing + performing myself too- a fully yq concert) and i was soo tired already, having to run here and there in my black dress and heels etc etc.. then they surprised me like that :D

HM.. can't really remember what happened last year.... i think it was exams again, but my class celebrated my birthday in october along with the other september and october babies! (like first time since after primary school since it's always exams by then) Nothing much, but of course, cass treated me to an outing just like i did for hers :D

This year, was rather funny cos on my birthday, my group of friends wanted to bring me to this restaurant in Arab St that supposedly has really good pasta, but when we reached there, it was closed. So we turned around and decided to just eat anywhere when we spotted an egyptian restaurant having buffet :D SO we decided to go there, and what a surprise! They had good stuff :O Of course, this time, my class celebrated with me, and sang a birthday song so loud the entire wing joined in and sang along.. how embarrassing, but ah wells :P Then two days later, cass treated me to an outing of movies, just like I did for hers, once again, AND then she gave me a surprise by inviting the whole bunch of friends to surprise me after the movie ended. OF course, it didn't work out as planned as many couldn't make it and the exit wasn't at where we'd thought it would be ;D hahahahaha but still, i was shocked cos i really didn't know that part coming along :O

So far so good, but i highly doubt it'd be the same from next year on, seeing that those who are flying will be gone by my birthday and those who are starting school will be too busy too. AH wells, happy birthday to me!

Love is in the air

I officially pronounce my love for Japanese anime characters. Seriously, they are like the best looking guys every in the whole world.

Kudos to Hayao Miyazaki for creating a few wonderful characters. Recently i've been rewatching Miyazaki's films, namely Princess Mononoke, Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away. AND the best thing is that they have all revived my love for Ashitaka, Howl and Haku. <3<3<3 Let me now in brief detail describe which parts in the shows are the best.

Of course with the guys around :D

Princess Mononoke:

I. AM. SO. IN. AWE. PERIOD. Really, the part where Ashitaka got shot but he still continued to carry Mononoke to the safety of her wolf mummy… But the sweetest part is when he was just lying there, hurt and unconscious on a small plot of land waiting for the deer god to heal and revive him. He was so cute there! Like lying around, just resting… gagagaga

Howl's Moving Castle:

There is nothing much I can say. I practically love every single moment Howl was around. No wait. I LOVE THE WHOLE MOVIE! HOWL…. HOWL!!! *howls* HOWL!!! *screams* haha okay… Yup, I remember the very first time i watched this film, I fell in love with him immediately cos he really is sooo cute! Had like this major crush on him since then. Never stopped liking him.

But if there really is a need for a favourite part, then I guess it's the last scene where he wears pink with white pants standing beside Sophie who was wearing a very pretty yellow dress at the starboard of their flying castle, KISSING EACH OTHER (: SOOO cute, and that charisma radiating out from him… Really… but I really love every single scene with him. It's SO hard to choose!!

Spirited Away:

Yet again, I practically love every single moment Haku (Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi aka God of the swift amber river) appeared. Liked him since the first time I watched this show. He's the cute dragon boy that helps Chihiro save her and her parents from being devoured by the spirits and gods. My favourite part was when Chihiro, riding on Haku in dragon form, remembers that Haku saved her from drowning when she was younger. She then told Haku his real name, and then he remembers it all, then his dragon form dissipated, showing his human form, and both of them fell (like free fall) and they held each others' hand, and they embrace… and they embrace.. and they embrace… and- anyway, and Chihiro starts crying, saying how grateful she is, and they embrace…… :D HAKU! such a dear!

Miyazaki is A GENIUS! Seriously, if it isn't for him, I'd never have known this three fabulous characters, and Joe Hisaishi would never have composed such beautiful music. AND YES, i officially announce too, that Hisaishi is now my most favourite composer. Below are some of his pieces that makes me cry easier than Brahms:

- Legend of Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke

- Merry go round of life from Howl's Moving Castle

- Laputa: Castle in the Sky from the same title as the piece

From spirited away,

- Dragon boy

- One Summer's Day

- Waltz of Chihiro

- Always with me

YUP. kudos to hisaishi too, for his works are just simply marvelous. Can't believe the first time i watched these films, i never took notice of the pieces!! Still, at least now I know, better than not knowing.

If only they could make mini series out of Howl's little family aka Howl, Sophie, Calcifer, Markl, Witch of the Waste and Heen, like the little things that happen every day, little arguments and such, like the tantrums of Howl or the days when Calcifer gets sick or even a date for sophie and howl… etc etc AND, of course, Haku and Chihiro… like how will they meet? In the human world or spirit world? What little things happen during their daily life? Can human and spirit be together? SOOO CUTE!! just thinking about them… but i really want haku and chihiro to be together… … … just like howl and sophie, where they live happily ever after :D

SIGH, now on to my dreams of howl and haku

HMmm

Been slacking away much lately with prelims only in the corner. Yes, I can see it coming. No wait. It is already here.

But anyway, this is a post specially for something else (:

I've been watching some shows recently and here's a post on what I really recommend!

1) Schemes of a Beauty (美人心计)- Of course, other than the fact that my dear 苗苗 is the emperor (and he was good in it too!), it tells of a very grandeur story in China's history. The characters are real AND the settings are good, of course, not to mention good acting and good scenery.

2) Glittering days (东方之珠)- This show is set in the old shanghai days… maybe a little later. The 50s and 60s when broadways and nightclubs are the soul of olden day China. The plot revolves around the lives of two singers who had to go through many obstacles… (read synopsis somewhere else online) Anyway, synopsis aside, I think Roger really pulled off his role well as a popular singer of that period, with his specially made hair (real hair! It was never a wig!) and the typical actions of singers then. Well, what can I say, he is a real comedy actor through and through. Of course there are better, but he is a very versatile and talented (not to mention cute) actor. Plus his ever so comedic actions AND his to-die-for smile………. <3

3) Reflection something misty rain… (烟雨斜阳)- There isn't really an English title to it. Anyway, the most important thing in this show is sammul's EYES. For 苗, it's really his to-die-for eyes… forever portraying a feeling, telling a story. There is no other actor that I have seen whose eyes can talk. This show is set in the old shanghai days. Like really the THAT period. The whole plot is rather gloomy, but it reflects very well the conditions of those days. Best of all is the acting of all the cast. It doesn't look as though they were acting the characters. It was as though they WERE the characters. Good plot, good acting. Of course, my sam (:

4) Chinese Paladin 3 (仙剑奇侠传3)- Well, it originates from a RPG game, what more can I say? The show itself attracted just too many audience and fans. Besides, with the star studded cast, and magnificent but complicated plot, it is a must watch. Speaking of the plot itself, everything is planned nicely. Seamless. Everything connects, unlike those of T_B whose shows always have abrupt change for the better so that the show can end.

5) Life made simple (阿旺新传)- Cast: Roger and Jessica. Needless to say, this couple's such good friends, they are virtually an unbreakable on-screen couple. Of course, partly due to this show where dear roger has to act as a simplistic guy (as his character says, "I am not stupid, just simple!"). Once again, I must praise Roger for being a superb actor. In this show, I was moved by Roger's character and his simple yet touching pure mind. Usually when I watch a show, I'll fast forward to where my idol appears just to watch him act, and read the story plot somewhere. Usually, I just want to see the actor. But in this show, Roger made me want to see his character. His character is forever thinking of others and forever doing things for others. He really moved me with everything that he (the character) did. Makes me wonder why we are all so greedy and selfish. Won't it be nice if I could be like him and live in my own bubble, free of all worries? sigh. Roger FTW

Yayness. the top five highly recommended shows to watch! Not in any order, but sorry if I sound biased my idols are in most of them. But in the first place, it is because of my idols that I watch these shows. Even so, some of these shows are really received with well reviews. Then of course, there are other shows that i'd recommend too, in brief:

- The Gentle Crackdown 秀才遇着兵- If you're bored, Moses will ensure you have a good laugh!

- D.I.E. & D.I.E. again 古灵精探& 古灵精探B- One of my favourite character, 于子郎. The cases are quite okay too, though definitely not as good as ICAC or Forensic Heroes etc.

- A bride for a ride 王老虎抢亲- SAM!!! (:

- Beyond the Realm of Conscience 宫心计- It was because of this that I started liking Moses. But the plot was quite good, definitely much better than many other T_B shows.

- Demi-gods Semi-devils 天龙八部 ( 林志颖 version)- Jimmy! his every so cute and bubbly face. But most importantly, it was a very grand production with great actors although the graphics couldn't really make it.

- Not Just a Pretty Face 美丽在望- De-stressing agent. I like the idea of this story although the plot is still quite predictable once we know what is happening. But the actors are good and again, brings joy into my life.

- The World's Finest 天下第一- Another one that makes you laugh. Mainly because of Roger. In this show, he has to fight most and at the same time think of ways to portray his witty and super comedic character well. And he did it!

- Season of Fate 五味人生- Quite a funny show again. Don't know why it didn't get the popularity it should have gotten, but it is a good show yet again with good actors.

- A pillow case of mystery 2 施公奇案 2- Like the story very much! Especially Johnson's character as the pillow god.

- The handsome siblings 绝世双交- I know there are many versions of this show, but really, the jimmy one is the one that rocked the world, not to mention light hearted and witty! Two at that. First the dads then the sons. But of course, the nicholas is good too!

Future shows (in production) that looks promising and I'll surely watch:

- 搜神记

-欢乐元帅

-东西宫略

that's it for now! Hope there'll be better shows to watch!

And hope by doing this i'll go back to studying

there it goes again

… and how am I supposed to tell her about my future plans?

Every time she's like that, i'll feel hurt too. Sigh, we all know they mean the best for us and stuff like that, but it never does works. While I don't have the naggy feeling of guilt, I still have some concern for her mental well-being.

I guess nothing can be done until this torturous 10 years have passed.

几有趣！

係，得卻是好難寫地。。。再加上用繁體字，真係難上加難！不過都幾 好玩的。單單係要寫底前過句，就已經站着大半個鐘！重有，有的字我都不知點寫，知道點話都冇麼用！

一定知道吧，我正係用廣東話打中文字！係好冇聊呱。唉，真希望我可以再去次香港！

That was really hard! Like seriously….. where are those words in mandarin pinyin!!! HEHE

Surges

Suddenly thought of all the things i failed in and this surge of feelings just came rushing by… now I can't sleep.

I know I must do well now… that everything is permanent, who won't want it to look good? Nothing can give me my PW grades back…

Sometimes, maybe crying is a good form of release after all…

Suddenly remembering the day everyone was so happy thanking god and teacher…. and I was there psycho-ing myself that it's alright… but such things… when missed by just that little decimal really create a deep crater in you heart. Every time I think of that, I'll just feel sad.

AND i don't want to feel this way… not something that makes me regret forever. So I must do well. Work really really really hard. Go. I believe I can.

Sigh… tmr's last day of exams…. bio paper… i should be sleeping well. but now I really feel like crying… maybe it'll help? Maybe then I'll be in a better mood tmr.

Woah

People actually read my blog? wow…

Anyway, to that dash-ey - - - person, friend or not, thanks for your comments, and yea I agree with you that until I can let go of my bitterness can I forgive and hopefully forget.

Thing is, I know clearly when I am likely to forgive. I can feel it. In fact I don't like this unforgiving side of me. But it's definitely not now. Not when I am still within the control of these things.

And that is precisely why I am ranting all on the blog. So that I don't feel that much pain in real life. So that I can release without hurting anyone. And no matter what, life has to move on. And there certainly are things that only one can solve by oneself. Just as i ever once heard someone say, if there is no other way to go around things, you'll have to do it yourself. Self help.

I guess its just me… there are people that I can be real to, but I can never put down the inner barrier in me. I just can't show people the worst side of me. I always…most often, rather, look happy and carefree to everyone. True, some friends know that I have been dealt with blows after blows, but they know I always take things by myself.

Which becomes what I am feeling now… come to think of it. BUT no, it's just not me to do that. They know I am hurt, but they just don't know what and how deep

SHOUT

I don't know… I really really really really want to tell someone everything! All my worries and all my disappointment and everything that is making me feel like breaking down…

But there is no one I can talk to about these… there are just things that cannot be said and it'd reflect real bad on me. There are just things that when said would spoil the whole image of what anyone has of me.

But I am in much pain. I really need some release, some way where I can tell someone who responds but does not then gain negative views about me… I think I require too much of a person. Thing is, I don't want people to see me as that.. that's why I am withholding everything. Keeping everything to myself

Then again, as I have always said, my problems are mine, and no one can help no matter what… so there is not much use telling anyone.

But all humans need some form of release… Let one come to me now!