OH MY BLOODY SHIT ASS

NOW I EFFING KNOW WHERE MY TAGBOARD WENT!!!!!!!!

scroll all the way down please (:

Personal statement

Just finished writing my personal statement, and i came to read my blog. Wow, and many things coincide. Especially so for being a child psychologist and being optimistic (:

realised that I am not a bad person after all. used to think I am not a very good person, with all that funny problems and such and sometimes not being able to solve all of them. BUT, as the saying goes, _________________________ i dont really know what saying :P wahahaha. Anyway, I thought back to my life changing 4 years, and realised that I have really grown alot. Within these 4 years, i have developed my own character and style, primarily based on the education i received from my mum. THANKS MUMMY!!! <3<3<3

Okay, gotta try to finish one more work before I decide to slack away (though i did most of it by sleeping away the hours already.)

Oh but before that, i want to thank everyone who one way or the other changed my life. (check out more of it in my other blog- will be tributing in that blog soon! whahahahahahaha XD)

Why is this so?

原来大人的世界是那么的可怕的。。。 。。。
有时还查过分寸，变成幼稚了。
似乎比小孩子还幼稚， 因为大人懂事嘛，小孩什么都不知道。。。 。。。

And this is all i have to say: SIGH.

Maybe it is a primary instinct- an instinct that dates back to when we were only apes to cavemen. To inflict harm and pain on others that the tyranny of majority OR the higher authorities deem a pariah. Humans are so masochistic.

I used to listen to my dad or mum talk about their work every time they start on that topic. I used to think they were quite... childish. At least at my age during those time, I felt that the problems described can be solved really really easily. But as we grow up and develop our own characteristics, things become a little more complicated. So things cannot be solved the child way because people do not believe that will work. They must make sure pain was inflicted somewhere somehow befoer things can be settled.

I used to listen to my teachers talk politics/gossip/bitch about the school's system/ management/people etc. I used to think they were spices of life. Like how these things get the world moving and constantly changing to become better or 'better"- the ingredients to spice life up. But as I grow up and get to experience a stimulant real world, did I realize that these are the woes of every spice. These are gunshot piercing spices. So spicy that they are classed hazardous.

And this is the world I am going to enter.

What a bone chilling thought.
And today, i finally got a glimpse of the adult world. Just when I thought my stimulant world was getting too hard to handle, the adult world showed me even more. Is there really a need to do so? Just thinking about it makes me feel tired already. Can I not care about my stimulant world anymore? Or should I just get on with life and get ready for the adult world?

On a side note, thank you so so so so so much, on behalf of everyone. I feel sad for you, regardless whether you feel lousy and vexed or not. Maybe this is training for me to get ready. But really, being the backstage director of my stimulant world, I somewhat understand how grave these matters are. Hope your efforts are appreciated somehow...
But a thought to ponder, you tell us these because you want us to feel for you or you want this news to spread silently or you just want to let it all off?

SIGH. The higher the authority of a person, the more I have a feeling that whatever that person does is for a reason, no matter how shitty or how respectable the reasons are, it will most probably for their own good as well.
Th higher the authority of a person, the more reason for the person to be suspicious about many things.

I don't think I am ready for the adult world yet.

Today is

saturday.

Ah hahahahahahahahahaha -.- lameshit

And so CO@SG is a bit hit website now for CO fans. And then i find myself deviating to that web when i know clearly i have to study for tests -.-
Then again, what can i do man, when people are suffering from post syf depression? :S
Strangely, i don't feel any more bonded with NYCO than i already am before syf. And then people wonder why that is so. I have no idea. Perhaps because i know so many inside outs (like doing stuff others are supposed to do), it seems just funny to feel more bonded? Or perhaps it's because the people i bond with in nyco, i have already 100%, and the others are not so? Or maybe it's because syf doesn't mean as much as some other events to me? Or is it the prospect of the future after syf that makes me so? Hm...

But still, from the depths of my heart, i really love NYCO for the people.

Dang it -.- nothing i do allows me to see my tagboard o.O sucks

YAY

for some reason, safari couldn't show my tagboard. SO i have decided to switch back to windows for now.

*sighs* suffering from post syf depression... and i don't feel like blogging now... shall go play with my new phone (:

happy happy

GOLD WITH HONOURS GOLD WITH HONOURS GOLD WITH HONOURS GOLD WITH HONOURS yay yay yay yay hahahahahaha! gosh if i was there to feel the atmosphere! but it's okay! all's paid off! (Though i really did screw up) BUT WE STILL DID IT! yay

A little surprised though, that there is 11 GWH school this yea. The judges a little too-- lenient? we thought some schools didn't rlly deserve gwh, but ah well, all's over, and we are all happy. It's like my previous (dont know how many) post... about how it is called central judging not competition. Still, today was a surprise. 6 gwh in a day.

We shall see again 2 years later

I for once am lost for a title

dont know... titles are supposed to have some relation with the contents of a post? but not all blogs are like that though...

gives interest in reading... that is, to me.

AHHH, it's all about me now (: no more caring for people and their pesky thoughts. Muahahahahahaha okay oops ><>

Been to many blogs and read all the writers' feelings of SYF... strangely, they don't affect me at all. Weird- it comes to my consensus that i do not feel scared or freaked out anymore. Perhaps because i finally feel satisfied? Yes, i feel quite delighted, but the elation doesn't reside in me. I mean the elation for being part of nyco, for going through really productive and good practices... And the stress i feel is quite minimal. For the past few weeks, i keep stressing about how nyco may not make it, how some ppl are so insensitive to music, how we cannot help guzheng properly etc etc etc, and problems just pile up higher and higher with school work as well. And now, 1 more week to SYF, and i had stopped caring about school work. So 1 part of stress is gone. I managed to convince myself that gz is alright, no matter what they get, because in my heart, i feel we have given our best to them. So that is another 1/3 of stress down. So the only stress left is nyco, though really little now. The only stress i get is the little solo partS that i play, with nowadays getting a higher percentage of hitting a wrong note. 

That in itself is very stressful already. Just one note can differ a school from getting G or GWH. scary uh...

anyway, it's really time to relax and enjoy... before all will be gone in a week.

SYF

ahh, and now it's all about it.

SYF

everything else (like homework) will be done like crap shit now -.- seriously, when syf is near, who cares a shit about homework? 

Teeheehee... and i can predict the future o.o wahahahahahahahaha, well at least, what we said did come true! yayness. 

Shall go back to doing homework crappily (: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

oops ><

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*wails* me have bad stomach... dont know why leh... everytime i eat stuff, my stomach hurts :( like now. shall go toilet.

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here, i am back. 

ａｎｄ　ｎｏｗ　ｉ　ｓｈａｌｌ　ｇｏ．　ｂｙｅ．

ｐｓ：　ｂｅｎ　ｔｅｎ　ｉｓ　ｃｏｏｌ　－．－

lousy day

HEAVES A BIG SIGH.....

in a few more minutes, the bad luck will go away. today's been a suey day. Very suey.

Woke up in the morning with a chair chop-slamming my foot-like bone area -.- Oww). 

Then went to school, and was cutting my skin when my friend pushed and then the nail clipper went in a taaaad too much. So cool. 

Then during lunch, somebody has to Bumsening piss me off?! "Embarrass" me in front of everyone some more. Thanks a bunch. 

Then my IH assignment has to get like  an asshole mark -.- just because I didn't conclude, my marks cannot proceed on. Bullocks*. 

Then as dazu starts, my pulse got all wrong- partly because of me i know n partly because of Ssabollec. And leaf was upset by that. 

During break time, in a fit to save the cello, (cos i was walking around there when eva pushed back (into me) and i almost fell on the cello) I turned away in mid- air and landed with my left hand supporting my whole body. It made my old injury come back again (yes, sadly) and i couldn't hold the qinzhu properly. 

After dazu was move the marimba time, and guess what. Some people just like creating blockage for others by using "higher authorities". Wow, amazing.

However, out of these suey things that happened, good things happened too! 

In subsequent pracs, leaf said i played excellently for that part in the piece.

MOE CO CAMP audition results were out and i got in! yay with cass (:

The marimba got to ge safely.

Every time half past a suey day, I will feel like breaking down. But I always tell myself to stay as optimistic as possible cos it will pass soon. Like now. I am officially off bad luck. So I just kept thinking positive! (works okay... for someone out there, if you read this part). Cos no matter what, you know today is suey day, what you do that is wrong is not entirely your fault (so to say), and tomorrow will definitely be a better day (:

Live life lively.

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Oh yea... and relating to the previous post abt relying on me to survive, i totally must stick to that statement after tonight's GE.... Problem doesn't lie in me pampering everyone too much. Problem lies in that everyone really depend on me to rmb/take note of details and things. 

EHH... TAKE ME FOR GRANTED ARH.... wait till one day when i cannot make it... see how you all die...*evil laughters*

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Seriously, I think words of encouragement really make people's day. Like how today when I was feeling suey and i played wrongly, I felt really down n freaked out n such. But with that sentence of praise from leaf, I was immediately "lifted"! Felt full of hope again! 

And also that sudden sentence of praise from pervert. Makes me feel good, but only shows how unfocused my section is o.o Am I like all your maid/mother? pfffffft. But i will still continue to do my part! cos if I don't, everyone will really die. maybe more subtle now, so that you all can become a little more "independent" yea.

_______________________________________________________________

Will we ever have the talk you promised? Wonder how to start...

SIGH... tmr's syf rehearsal! gosh, hope it goes well! *yawns*

luv luv hugs hugs

Awww.... and i heard from the dog that everyone depends on me (: haha (ego boost ><)

no la... i think i went overboard this time. Pampered you guys so much arh, just like a mother. (yea, like i've said countless of times, i do really feel like a mother of 7 guys o.o) - though i am like the youngest... -.-

Shall have to change tactic. Cannot pamper you all so much now. HM..... muahahahahaha *evil laughters* 

Oh and yes to AF, yea, i do feel that this side bonds better/faster with more welcoming arms than the other side. I am sorry that you suffered. It's like what Mr JTan said, "you're just there at the wrong time." But that is not true for everyone. Like what leaf would have probably told you by now, you..... yea. You get it. It is only your feelings. Not that I was welcomed on my 1st day. That place is not some kindergarten where you are the senior so you are the best. You are the junior. Don't expect anything more than a few stares. So doesn't mean anything that's got to do with the HQ is not up to anything good/ not safe at all.

Trustworthy yes, emotional, no.